waiting to understand

Question: Do I see each day as a day older, or as a new beginning? Neither. I have always marveled at the saying..live each day as if it was your last..How could you possibly do that without feeling too much drama and pressure in that saying? I understand the concept, don't get me wrong...I just think we THINK we know what we'd do if faced with death and it is not necessarily what we think it is....we don't live it in the way that saying portrays....or at least my Mom didn't (couldn't). Everything is about circumstances, how they affect us and what attitude we choose to bring to those circumstances. I'll be honest and say that at the core of me I am optimistic and hopeful, but over that there is a layer that wavers. A layer I have to convince and keep connected to God, I guess it is the human layer. I know what I believe to be true in my spirit because God has made that a very real reality, but the human part of me struggles to keep the windshield clean. I am n...

What a waste, if you don't use it.... Say you are THE best kisser in the entire world, but you devote NO time to kissing ANYONE.... Or a painter who doesn't paint, A writer who doesn't write...you get my point. Life is so short, and not just life, but this particular chapter, with these particular characters, even this PAGE is interesting in the now in it's own special glory! So kiss away already! kiss until your lips fall off...because Love is fleeting and skin will lose its elasticity and if you are not in tune, life will totally pass you by! It won't matter if your lips are all wrinkly when you are old, especially if they got that way from all the KISSING! (but if they are wrinkly from the smoking I say ewwwwwww ) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ~C

Peace Love Hope in Tomorrow Peace Love Hope in Today Peace Love Hope in my waking, my wondering, my dreaming, my every way... Peace Love Hope in my future Peace Love Hope to my past, Peace Love Hope in how and why I remember it, Peace Love Hope that will last... Peace Love Hope to all of them Peace Love Hope from GOD through me, Peace Love Hope from the beginning, to now, till then.... forever it will be. ~C

How fleeting the short time we get to be NUDIE ! It already seems unacceptable to some at 4. How sad to not see that little heinee , that J-Lo bootie , before me, anymore... I won't think of it yet. Missing the beauty of perfect smooth new skin in perfect teeny parts. How freeing it feels for them, how native, how natural..... I will entertain the nudiness in the privacy of my home until it just seems wrong, because life is short, and the opportunity to be Nudie is shorter. Tee hee . ~C

My care bear optimism has been scattered, in some ways torn apart. torn apart by reality... the illusion of so much good...trampled upon by what we are all capable of. Miss goody two shoes runs from alcohol and drugs and runs smack into divorce.... because we all have lessons to learn, reasons we need to grow and stretch ourselves.... and we all struggle from SOMETHING. My vice is my own, and yours, is yours....and maybe we will conquer what gets the better of us time and time again, but maybe we won't. But it is the journey, right? The destination of Heaven will not change for me, so why am I ever intimidated with falling on my face? Jesus knows what that felt like and he picked himself up again.... and that is what I will do, as I pray that this cynicism that creeps upon me from time to time, doesn't wrap me in it's vice like grip and whisper to me about all the hate in the world. The hate and the loss and the broken hearts, the death and struggling that keeps us from ou...

Seeking instead of relishing relishing in the NOW, in what now has to offer you... wasting the day remembering or looking so far ahead, that you trip and fall, on your face, in the mud! Ah to be content, in myself TODAY! to accept the ME God created me to be! Why do I have to remind myself so often?? Isn't it so amazing to think of how many sperm were in that one shot...( OK gross maybe if you think too long on it and recognize that that was the very beginning of your existence ) but REALLY, out of all those sperm, YOU were the one that made it! Or half of you was...the other half of you resided in the egg, but let's not get distracted by a tangent of specifics! Let's focus on the MIRACLE!! So you made it! You beat the odds! What was it, 20,000 to One? (Do I have to google the answer and get an exact average #, because I am too immature for that....it will just send me back to sex ed class, and to how HILARIOUS it was for me. I am so immature....) So you won the lottery o...

It seems like I am waiting for you to reach out, but if it isn't there, it isn't there, is it? It cannot work otherwise, and the fleeting times you do initiate burn bright red and linger in their rarity , a heightened moment of clarity that has me mouthing the words..."only if" Only if, he did this constantly... OK then, consistently . I want to be with someone who reaches for me. Who wants to want to reach for me. but in the waiting I am learning to be fulfilled by God, and be resolute in his Love, so I am not endlessly looking for validation and affection, tossed by emotion, while I wait to experience it all again. What's to say it won't all happen again if we try for it, like an endless tide pattern of low tide/ high tide.... I cannot function under the whims of the tide anymore, I am incapable now. I feel like I am building up the nerve to strike out on my own, in my own way, on my own terms and I am preparing to say no, no that is not enough....and no I...