Monday, September 12

I will not perpetuate the pattern

Out of fear we compromise our boundaries concerning other people.
Afraid that if we stand up for what we believe in and want out of life
that there is a risk involved
that we may offend or push away
that they make not like us and leave
and so we learn to compromise ourselves
our values
we morph and change to suit others
to gain love and acceptance from them
and seise to be genuine to ourselves,
to who God designed us to be

The irony is that doing so is the opposite of love
and the opposite of who we are
it is a diluted version of who we were meant to be
just so that we can KEEP something
or someone,
when what they were attracted to in the first place
was this woman of conviction
this woman who knew what she wanted and where she was going
this woman who knew what she believed in and stood for

Your passion is what drew them
so do not throw water on your own fire
thinking that you will please someone
at a sacrifice to yourself

sure compromise is important
but it should be situational and a JOINT thing
not one person altering themselves and their needs and values
to compensate for another's

and what I am talking about is bigger than settling
It is a matter of LOSING YOU
out of FEAR
in the hopes of gaining someone else

So you get with this person
whom you've won by default
by altering yourself and your values
and then wonder why
this relationship is filled with disfunction

How long can you keep up with the facade?
How long can you deliver?

It happens slowly too
small changes first
then bigger and bigger compromises
to please and suit another
until your thoughts are mostly about them
and what they would like
and what would be best for them
you take a back seat
and in many ways
it becomes all about them

and you?
where did you go?

Who are you?
do you still know?
What do you believe in?
What makes you happy?
What do you love?
What are your hopes and standards?
What are your deal breakers?
What do YOU want to do?

Do not let fear monopolize your life
Do not fear losing anything
Give it all to God
and walk confidently knowing that
you are COVERED
you are LED
you are PURPOSED
you are PROMISED
and you were DESIGNED to be exactly who you ARE
with your gifts and struggles
and your quirks too

If you compromise any of it
you take away
you steal from yourself to give to another
and I firmly believe that God works most powerfully through us
when we can stay connected to Him
and look to Him to validate us, to accept us, to lead us

WAIT on Him and listen
Trust Him and lean on Him
He will always allow you to be who you are
and love you for it

It is predictable anyway
He wants that so much
that He will allow that other person
you tried so desperately to keep
fall away
so you can get back to you
get back to Him
and get back to you and Him

Don't waste time trying to be what people need
instead focus on being the best YOU that you can be
After all God designed you beautifully and purposefully!


Saturday, September 3


Adaptability, sustainability, go with the flow
it would be awesome if you could keep an open mind
forgiveness is necessary
be ready to pivot
like on the volley ball court
crouched down low
hands out in front of you
on the balls of your feet
anticipating anything

If I was only prepared to do a spike over the net
then I wouldn't be ready for a dig
wouldn't be ready for a save close to the floor
If I only intended to set the ball
then I wouldn't bump it over to save the game

Be ready for ANYTHING

Life is about ADAPTING to it
be willing to morph

Life is a conveyor belt of endless possibility
made up of complex human beings
with an infinite scenario of adventures waiting to play out
based on the dynamic at the time
based on the moods and the whims of others
based on their stability or instability
or their grace and forgiveness
based on where they are
and how they are today
where you are, how you are....

All interwoven to create a moment that you walk into
and imprint your NOW
where you breathe in change and exhale change
nothing is stagnant
nothing is forever
and don't get all cynical on me you idealist
the only ideal is God's idea of ideal
and he KNEW earth was about change

We get stuck the moment we become too rigid
we get stuck the moment we decide to be stubborn about something
or stop to mourn anything
or we run run run away from ourselves
to avoid what we will always return to
where running always leads us....
right back to us
so we might as well face that
and just run for exercise
while being open
while being poised for action
while removing the veil
so we can really see
the difference between sunglasses on
and sunglasses off
nothing between the windows of our souls

Communicating with eyes
with voices
and nods of understanding
wincing when pain is expressed
reaching out when tears are shed
simply being quiet and patient
when someone is trying to figure something out

To be human is to NOT have it all figured out
to trip up and skin our knees
to wrestle with things we may never understand
about ourselves, about others

And God designed each of us
we're all fearfully and wonderfully made
so no matter how we screw that up
there HAS to be GOOD that comes out of it
God does not design crap
and He did not set out with a mediocre plan
and the attributes He gave us....
some of those things we think of gifts
some of those things we think of as jokes on us
where we see a disability or flaw,
He sees a key to greater understanding
through suffering
through learning
even hurting
so you can be better
taking away or depriving you of one thing
so you will use EVERYTHING He gave you
to benefit every life you touch

But do you see how if you approached your life
with a rigid plan
how EVERYTHING would start to seem against you?
How everything you set out to do would have to be tweaked at some point?
I read an article recently about a woman who went to law school
then joined a firm
after years and year of studying
only to discover that it felt empty and devoid of meaning to her
once she "arrived"
this is not a joke God plays on her or even a joke life played on her
it is our own tunnel vision that distracts us
the goals we make for ourselves
to achieve something that will determine we've "arrived"
even if we were never designed to do it
a way we find only by stumbling because we did not ask God first
a way that fizzles and tends to burn out
because it all relies on us carrying ourselves
we did not include God
we did not ask God what HE intended us for
we did not ask to sit at a table with Him
and go over our awesome blue prints

God doesn't want us to stay stagnant
or frozen
He meant for us to evolve
He meant for us to live in the moment
aware of the moment
with eyes open
really seeing the person we are spending time with
in that moment
not distracted
or juggling
or texting (for the record)

To be aware
is to be alive
to be present
is to be aware
and be willing to change
and adapt
that is the very most powerful thing