Thursday, May 28

patience

I always considered myself a pretty patient person. Much more so with people...
If a machine jams or a computer deletes what I am writing and I can't get it back....well then I start gnashing my teeth at it and huffing and puffing.
People, at least, I can try to reason with.

So patience is a tricky thing, because it can get irritating, being patient, and sometimes it can leave you lonely but it can also make you feel proud that you are able to keep it up too. I am trying to become a MASTER at not complaining while being patient.

You know those people in line at Disney World when you are in the kind of line you cannot get out of easily and you are too far away from the beginning but quite a ways from the end and they start griping....well it is understandable sure.....they investmented a lot of their time and now they feel stuck and to turn back now would be such a waste, and they really want to ride the amazing ride! (This is totally an analogy for my life if you haven't caught on by now.)

But my point is that these people that start to complain aloud in the line....
I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT PERSON!
Do they do it for attention? Do they do it because the wait has become too great and their annoyance is so irritating that they MUST express it? Do they need sympathy or an irritated buddy? I am sure all of the above. Do I need these things as well to get me through this patient time in my life?

I catch myself teetering on the brink of being one of these people.
One of these people I do not want to be,
because of my impatience with my patience.

Part of me is amazed I am able to be patient for so long now, and the other part of me knows I have no choice because love is involved, and when love is involved you don't just start griping in line right away....you are aware of how great the ride was the last time....and you are willing to put up with a lot to get there.
and you don't even consider back tracking through the line and saying excuse me 50,000 times and risk looking like you are TOO SCARED to ride the ride.....
because you know you are not scared and you know you are willing to wait....

you are just weary in the waiting...and it is getting the better of your measure of patience.

Oh my gosh, am I griping? :)

Wednesday, May 27

wondering as you sleep

angels sleeping side by side
how did you get so big already?
how did I play a part in something so amazing
that keeps on growing
with the love in my heart
as you sleep
while I watch
and I wonder
at the beauty
of your very existence!

In black and white

Why do we have to measure success....with diplomas, and salaries, and material things? Why the endless search and destroy mission for more and then MORE! The temporary joy fades and leaves you disenchanted, unsatisfied. The real meaning of life, discarded and passed by, while you flounder to climb higher and higher....

We all take different paths, and that should be OK, shouldn't it?
Part of me is feeling fine with my accomplishments, and another part of me so defensive, so willing to PROVE myself at one probing glance, an implication that I may not have done enough with my life so far. What have YOU done? What are you doing NOW? We do that you know, scramble to achieve things on paper, jot them down, keep record and check it twice....I've made something of myself see! See it is right here in black and white!

Ahhhhh.....but how profound to look through those documents after someone has died, and measure their life with these accomplishments. How morbid but too how enlightening to know their whole story, their whole outlook and then hold their accomplishments in your hand.....and what to do with them now? All these great things in black and white.....

What impresses me instead is the way you held me when I cried, or laughed until you were hysterical, the way you brought family together or hosted a great party, the way you loved God with all your heart or found ways to bring out the very best in anyone.....your awesome cheerfulness and your encouragement. These things I admired in you were not written down on the list of accomplishments, they were not acquired by getting your degree or written out on your resume. But I see then in your eyes captured in a photograph and I will remember them in my mind...Forever. What we are remembered for is in the essence of who we were, not what we did. Our lives are in HOW we did it, and WHY, but not in what we actually did. That is just a list.

So challenge yourself to greatness for the sake of accomplishment!
Do it all for your own driven need to succeed,
but do not size up others or compare yourself....
That only leads to empty greed!

So who do you do it for?
Do you do it for you,
or do you do it to prove it to me?

~C