Sunday, February 27

It's a process

Like picking at a scab
I choose to go there
even though
it is guaranteed hurt
a mix of curiosity
and tragedy
I seek peace and understanding
in a place
that only stirs up discord
only reminds me of a time
without peace

I bite my nails
until they are throbbing
maybe so I can remind myself
that I am still alive
pain has a way of proving
that growth is necessary

growth causes tearing
ripping
what a mess
my life tattered and torn
no matter how I accessorize
I cannot hide

I am Cinderella
before the magic
but like her
destined for the transformation
to come.

~C

Wednesday, February 23

no fences

I know who I am
I like who I am
no need for hiding
for lying
for trying, justifying
no need for fear
or trying to steer
no need for offense
I will not straddle the fence

I know I don't need to dance around letting you know what exists at the very heart of me

the truth is not misunderstood
and I want it to shine from me
from my finger tips
and toes
for you to see the love
pouring out from me

it comes from what I know
from what I believe
and also in what I do....
to convey God's awesome love
to you
to YOU!

~C




Wednesday, February 16

Love Unhidden

eyes filled with love
so obvious
felt
and processed
by my heart
draws me to you
to that love
to eyes that see me
&
it is so nice to be seen
so good to be loved
so awesome to be known
appreciated
adored
&
I am comforted
knowing it will exist
no matter how far away
or how long it will be
till I see that love
in your eyes again

~C

You Choose

Just like the movies and cartoons portray,
there is in fact a devil on one shoulder
and an angel on the other
each encouraging you to do something
wanting you to make decisions
that are either destructive and limiting
or freeing and empowering
the most beneficial thing you can learn to do
is discern which voice is talking to you
which thoughts are speaking life
which thoughts are speaking death
sort them out
recognize them for what they are
and make wise choices

and before you even begin to stress
over whether or not you'll know
who's voice is whose
or dread going there at all
because it sounds like work
let me tell you a little secret

God promises to work all things to good in your life
He will take what the devil meant for harm
He will turn it all around
and find a way to bless you
within those same seemingly detrimental circumstances

He did not command us to be anxious for nothing
without first setting up a system to protect us
we hear that command and we baulk at how impossible it seems
and it will always be impossible if we think it is
God wants us to stretch ourselves to think beyond our own capacity
He is in us as us!
We are more spirit than flesh
we just focus on the flesh more because it is what we see
it is only more real to us because it is tangible
but only focusing on what we can control limits us SO much

Nothing feels better than something we cannot make sense of
but KNOW somehow is divine or purposed for our lives
we were built to be inspired by the things we have no knowledge of
things we cannot manipulate
circumstances that SEEM flat and predictable
are ALIVE in the spiritual
God is approaching your lame job from 50 different perspectives
He is taking into account more factors than you could ever conceive in your mind

This is where trust comes in
this is where you surrender
this is where you humble yourself and admit
you don't know better than He does
and then you hand it all over and STOP
the endless pattern of trying to trust but wimping out
and taking it all back
you only do that because it feels more comfy to you
and it is only comfy because it is a pattern
not because it is GOOD or even helpful

It is weird how some patterns we create
like smoking
are so obviously bad to us
but we are oblivious to our over controlling nature
or the fact that we overcompensate for our insecurities by building walls all day
brick by brick
to shut the world out
we con ourselves into thinking that that keeps us safe
when really we create the cage we intend to live in
and then we climb in
feeling safer inside to look out through bars

God wants to wash your car
that vehicle you use to get around in
and He doesn't even want to stop there
He wants to be like the scene in Transformers
where BumbleBee transforms his "body"
into a supped up version of the Camaro he was....
YOU only better
not tormented
not worried or fearful
not caged in
or limited in ANY way

Now is the time
that YOU get to choose
Let go and leap
or stay
just as you are
Either way God is here loving you
always wanting your best
but ever the gentleman
awaiting your request

~C


Wednesday, February 2

Men & Women

I have this theory...
We were designed to function a certain way.
If we studied that way and aimed to emulate it we might be better off, but we are creatures of design, we like to one-up each other and constantly "improve" things.
So in the case of men and women for instance, the man was meant to lead.
The woman is the help mate.
We have totally obscured this set up.
Men have abused their role of authority, women have embraced feminism.
Men that have been burned by women decide to stay single forever and forgo having a help mate because freedom is safer, whatever the cost.
Women that have been burned raise their daughters to be completely independent so they never have to depend on a man.
This new self sufficient independent woman becomes the norm.
How many marriages and families have you seen where the woman wears the pants?
I don't think they were ever meant to!
The situation has been distorted.
The really weird offspring of these circumstances is that it creates a man that seeks out that independent woman...He thinks this is more attractive because she pulls her own weight and shares the responsibility. But it also places her on an equal footing and there is more head butting, her say is as powerful as your say. There is no leader. No initiative to lead the family in the way it was designed.
Men crave respect, they were built to receive it and now they are having to share that respect. Every decision they make can be trumped or challenged instead of discussed and pondered with the one there to help them.
Women were not meant to be submissive in the way humans distort these words of the Bible. We aren't whipping posts. But we weren't meant to be self sufficient either. If we grow up learning only to depend on ourselves, how will we ever trust? How will we really be able to respect authority?
There is this constant tension created as we hold ourselves to a twisted standard that was not designed by God, but designed out of fear and bitterness, worry and insecurity.
I have an old fashioned heart, not because I lack ambition or fear hard work.
I value the job that is done at HOME, the job no one seems to want to do anymore!
The more we complicate life, the more we work, the more we buy....they are all a gigantic animal that has to be fed, and as it grows it eats more and more. The more it grows, the more it takes away from the original design, takes away from family and true relationship, takes away from looking each other in the eye. It is a vicious cycle that we create on our own and it all boils down to priorities that have been mixed with our short comings and wounds. Mix it all up and you have a recipe for disaster, worse yet, divorce. When will we ever learn?
Only when we are given the revelation to open the eyes of our hearts will we realize how much more powerful it is to operate out of love and trust and surrender.
Better to operate in those and be burned , then to operate out of fear and skepticism and be destroyed.
The foundation we build upon is the same foundation that we will be rebuilding upon in times of destruction or disillusion. If the very foundation is built upon the things that bring us down like fear and insecurity...then those things will literally topple when our house does. We stand to truly hit bottom in all meaning of those words.

Start with you. Go deep. clean house.
Dig down to your roots and see why you believe what you do,
why you DO what you do,
why you love and value what you do,
why are the priorities you have your priorities,
and why did you decide those things were the most important?
Are they effecting your life in a powerful meaningful positive way?
and if not REVAMP!
Life is too short to perpetuate the same message of doom into your life!
Start now!

and only then...after you've cleaned up your own crap, can you have anything truly to offer another, especially in a love relationship. If you are whole and at peace, you have so much to give, so much to offer the foundation. My prayer is that the person you find has also searched thyself and cleaned house.
Only then are you two full halves that can make a full whole.
And then God seals the deal, and I guarantee if you follow HIS lead on how a marriage should function, you will be pleased, at peace, and functioning in a way that reeks with benefits and love sweet love. :)

~C