Tuesday, January 26

unexpected change

to me it is like standing

cemented to the floor

in the middle of a house

that is under water

and all at once

the windows are opened

flooding the reality

you once knew

and you know you are going to drown

and die to what was

life as you know it

will be different

~C

Wednesday, January 20

55

That is such a *SIGN* that in 2009 I wrote 55 blogs.
I did not do it intentionally or even knowingly on any level!
SOOOOOO COOOOOOOL!
keep dropping hints God, this is fun!

-C

What I wish they would say

Find your own way
and I'll find mine
and with me, I prefer to walk with God
He knows the best route to where I am going
but the moment I start trying to give you my advice
I should drop it
because my advice is for ME
not you
everything I derive my advice from came from a whole string of things
experiences and feelings and brokenness that happened to ME
YOU have your own best interests
that only YOU know, and God, if you involve Him
find your own way and I will not push you
or hurry you or shake my head at your choices
I will not worry my hands over your decisions
or sigh a great heaving sigh over the fact that you just don't get it
or that I really think you are a glutton for punishment
or that you are just too nice
I know you won't do anything until YOU are ready
You won't budge until YOU have had enough
and only YOU knows how much that really is
SO I trust you
I trust that you know yourself
that you believe in yourself
that you are on YOUR right path with GOD
and who am I to tell you any different
I am tangled up in my own life
peering out into yours to find a distraction of my own
but like I said
MY fixes are not your fixes and my timing is not your timing
but if we all synchronized our watches to God's timing...
we'd be way better off
and then my job as your friend is so much easier
because I can just love you
and not go on and on about what I would do...
if I were YOU

-C

Scattered Hearts

There is so much information and detail that goes into one relationship. Not only that but the details are constantly changing, or at least the circumstances. So something that worked yesterday suddenly feels off today....and it's not like you want it to. Relationship is hard enough without being romantic. I say hard but it is fairly easy for me to have a good relationship /friendship. Hard in the sense that being in love complicates it and there is always this looming chance that someone might get hurt. That part sucks.
So forgive me for hurting you because I never meant to, and I know you know my heart.
Saying goodbye ahead of time doesn't help prepare you for the actual end. For the record. It still feels like it is hanging there and awkward....and a friendship to replace the love would be awkward, with a hello and a how are ya, but always skirting around the love lost and thinking back to when it was all right on.
yeah, awkward.
I still pray for the best for you though. Still have you run through my mind.
Tuck the memories in my heart like a keepsake and will always have them.
You will find the girl of your dreams. and she will deserve you and she will be the right fit and then let it be a happily ever after, because I am learning that those are rare, like playing lotto. real comforting I know....but the key is belief in it. That love is out there waiting for you. It is only a matter of time until you find it. That belief alone will carry you into love.
and maybe someday when it no longer feels awkward, no longer feels like I broke your heart, I will reach out and say "Hi, How are you?"

-C