Monday, July 26

Nuh Night

"good night" (pause) "good night"
"that is one for Jesus, and one for you Mom"

~Skylar Mckenna Milby
(5 & 1/2 years old)

Truth has a voice

Flesh says "I hate him"
and God within you cries out
"I forgave you, so forgive him"

Flesh says "He hurt me shut him out!"
and God softly whispers
"Vengeance is mine, do not harden your heart sweet one"

Flesh says "I can't do it anymore!"
and God smiles and says
"you are right YOU cannot, but EVERYTHING I can do in you as you!"

Flesh says "I do not have what it takes, I'll never measure up"
and God brims with tears as he looks you in the eyes and says
"You precious precious child, you have no idea how very valuable you are to me!"

Flesh says "There is nothing to live for!"
and God laughs a little as He says
"Everything shines with the hope I have in you my child!"

Flesh says "I just give up, I'll stop trying already, I will never conquer my demons"
and God simply says
"Lies will keep you there dear one, but My truth shall set you free, only believe!"

Flesh quiets itself....knowing that for every statement
there is an answer in truth and love waiting
just waiting
to snuff it out!


Smooth Operator

(Of all the analogies for my walk with you
you choose shaven legs....HA!)

You know I like when they are
I don't feel stubble against clean sheets then
When my legs are smooth
I don't feel a thing
but comfy and clean

but just a few days
and I can feel a difference
I feel the awareness remind me
to take the steps
to get back to the place
where I am perfectly comfortable

(In you AS you Lord!)
( your word, your voice, your embrace)


A walk through wilderness

His ways are above our ways
and I see this as God being my Dad
in hiking boots
towering above me
because I am his little child
and He holds a map
and He is looking ahead
as if determining which way
WE should go....

and I am too little to see the map
and somehow I know
that even if I could see it
that it would just be a bunch of lines to me
a lot of colorful pictures
that I cannot understand
with my limited thinking
my child's view of things....

but that is the point
God has the map
and HE knows
and not only did He design the map he is holding
He designed it just for me
He mapped out the way
for me to succeed
long before I even needed it
long before I even looked to Him
to take me where I need to go

It isn't my place to doubt Him
or to climb His leg so that I can get a good look
at my map that I cannot even decipher
and it isn't cool to wring my hands
and wonder if He even knows what He is doing

He is my personal guide
the One who designed the mountains
the One who placed each tree in the woods
He knows the land as intimately as he knows me
and all he wants is my hand in faith
to walk beside Him
as he safely leads me

His goal is to get me there
to the very best place he has for me
and along the way he wants to teach me
and He wants to show me all the awesome wonder the world holds
as He steers me around the potholes
as He provides shelter in the down pours
He promises to get me there
that even the storms will move me toward goodness
that His promise like a rainbow
will always be a beacon of Hope in every darkened sky
and that He is with me on the journey
with me always
plugging away at the map
leading me constantly toward my very best
His very best in me!


Sunday, July 25

God my river

The river that runs
that sweeps you quickly down
that sings against rocks
that gurgles and
never ever stops

in the day it rages
at night by moonlight
on and on
and forever can be counted on

to do what rivers do
to go where rivers will go
to forge new ways if it sees fit
and yet we cannot predict it

a life of it's own
with purpose so strong
beaconing to you
to hop on an inner tube
and ride with it,
"just jump on in!"



No rulers to slap
your knuckles bloody
no belt to make you reform
He convicts with love
in a voice of compassion
He shows you
with revelation
the pages that are torn

no time outs
that leave you crying
with painful separation
and isolation
He comes to you quickly
pricks the heart of the willing
reminds us of His truth
the stuff that gets MINDS renewed!

no expulsion or dismissal
you cannot be rejected
no matter how rebellious
or how far you run

He's one step behind you
you hide
and He'll find you
not to scorn
Oh no
but to hold you.


double back

Out of touch
a slow pulling away
that sneaks up
that creeks as you tip toe away

an awareness that's haunting
an unspecific calling voice
in the depths of your gut
as you choose to turn away

more persistent is the aching
with a dull unspecific shaking
that does not allow you to ignore

so you turn in to face it
and ask God to name it
so you can once again
feel His hand in yours

A need for his still small voice
a yearning for the fellowship
a familiar embrace missed
from the moment you were set adrift

He wants you back always
and He will get your attention
in creative ways
just stay spiritually aware, awake!

He won't let you get too off track
without making you aware that you are off track
you know something is off
and you come running

back into those huge open arms of Love
back into Grace abounding
back into the light that refines and teaches
as you sit at His feet in waiting.


Thursday, July 22

defensive no more!

We want to feel justified in our actions,
and in our choices
but GOD is our justice
the justice is his
and hidden in it is the TRUTH
He knows the truth,
YOU know the truth,
and it is all good!

You do not have to defend yourself.
Let him work it out,
let HIM present this revelation to others
even if it takes years to open someones eyes to your truth
there will be purpose in it because it is HIS perfect timing!

It all goes back to trust
If you trust in his justice, that He is working all things to good
If you trust that he has got your back
If you trust that he knows exactly what he is doing
then you will not feel the need, to go on and on about how you did not do it
about how you did not mean it that way
He knows your heart
He knows their heart
and HE will untangle everything!

He does not need your help either....there is another jab to our pride!
You just have to release the situation to Him and Trust that he's got it
Let go my friend
do not defend
so much power in the surrender
so much promise from our Father!


Wednesday, July 21

Let it be me

Let me be the one to speak your truth
I am willing to talk it , I am able
Let me be the one to walk your talk
I am willing to walk it, I am able
Let me be the one to comfort, to cheer on
I am willing to hug, to cheer, and I am able
Let me be the one to give a leg up closer to you
I am willing to lift them, I am able
Let me be the one to pray it out with love
I am willing to pray, I am able
Let me be the one to be quiet when they need to talk
I am willing to listen, I am able

Let me be the one to convey what you would convey,
to speak what you would speak,
to love how you would love,
to smile into the hearts of the hurting,
to hold someone like you do when they are breaking,
to lift someone up like you do in their sorrow
to encourage them on their own journey like you love to,
and to speak your truth over and over again
until your revelation kicks in and meets with perfect timing to mend
to renew and to transform!
these individual
each life weighing the same in your arms
each babe that you call your own, your love

to help you love them
is my favorite work
your love is my love Lord!
your heart,
my own


Friday, July 16

Spiritual Buffet

Went to see a speaker tonight
and he talked about how there is this spiritual buffet before us.
We are so tempted to eat from all of it and stuff ourselves
but instead we really should selectively choose just 2 or 3 things to eat
because those suit us the best
because we were designed to eat of specific things
like a secret antidote that makes us invisible
so we can truly walk with the Holy Spirit!

I think sometimes in our lives we want the best of everything,
we don't want to miss out on anything
so we let our greedy soul hoard all we can carry
but we were designed to excel in very specific ways
we were all designed without a carbon copy

we weren't meant or built to indulge in all the world has to offer
nor were we designed to excel in every single spiritual gift
they are offered up but with some we soar and with others we putter
and rather than trying at everything and just doing OK
He meant for us to focus on the strengths he planted within us
He meant for us to grow in them
to do so much more with them

To me it is like high school and trying out for sports
you don't even know what you are great at
until you TRY
and sometimes you are surprised at what trying reveals
what it awakens in you
or brings out in you
a talent you never knew you had!

Spiritually it is the same to me
I try it out and then I can see
what each gift brings out in me
and no doubt through time
I will trade in one for another
as I grow towards the light
as my roots dig deep
I will produce things long from now
that I couldn't bear now.


Tuesday, July 13


fall back
and I'll catch you
and I'll amaze you
and I'll prove it
and I'll do it
and I'll walk with you every step it takes to the finish
holding your hand


Just jump

Up up in the plane you go
a new perspective
from such a height
and chills
as you survey
how far the fall is
and the pack on your back
a false sense of protection
compared to your trust in God
you're a fish out of water up here
but you weren't meant to stay
in the windy loud plane
the whole experience
requires much more of you
because nothing is activated
the leap
of faith!


Sunday, July 11

faith in hope

hope amidst pain
like a burning flame
like a banner high
in a midnight sky
you hear the flap
and the wind as it snaps
but it goes unseen
blackness thick and haunting
but the something is heard
and felt with the heart
as you wait
for the morning to reveal
an answer


heart strings

jelly fish strings
tangled and burning
around my heart
painful with the clinging
painful with the cutting and removing
painful in the void
and the attachment both
so I am still and I wait
to see what happens
in the still small time between
the sting and the nothing



you may not believe in me
or have the courage to
but I know someone who does
someone who never wavers
who doesn't have doubts
someone who loves me
no matter what
who cheers me on
who wants me to win
who schedules divine appointments
to ensure my success
who runs and runs to catch me
if ever should I fall
who wants to always be near me
who delights if I return His calls
yep, His name is Jesus
He'll love me through and through
and the very same Jesus
is here wanting to love on YOU


hard to hurt

please don't put me in an emotional straight jacket
don't tie me up with lies
don't dangle promises before me
like dead meat gathers flies

the silence speaks the volumes
that you don't
and the strange space between where we were and now are

please don't box me in
a place where may be comfy for you
without considering me
it is cramped in here
and I need to breathe

I need sunshine
even rain
I'll even endure pain
just don't put me back in that box again

taking a step out side the lines
feels strange
like I am going out the window instead of the door
to another place
trying not to offend you
trying to find a way that will not hurt you
like I was hurt

it is not about who did what
it is about loving for the sake of loving
for doing for the sake of doing
for really thinking of and considering
how what I do effects you

I wish that all the choices I made
never hurt the ones I care about
could satisfy the masses
so that I wouldn't have to feel crappy
when I see your heart sink on the outside
though I realize that no answer can satisfy
someone that doesn't have answers for themselves yet
and yet I still want to give the right one
as impossible as that may be

I don't know how not to care
I don't know how not to feel
but I know God placed those things in me
meant as gifts
I just have to choose which way to see
and I will find a way to make peace
with where we are today
and not try to imagine a far off scenario
that may or may not be better
or worse than right now

Offering it up Lord
letting it go
YOU are the only one who knows
take this weary heart Lord
who tries to avoid the hard things sometimes
take this heart that cares and put it in your hands
and mold and shape and form it Lord
make it resemble your own
my heart is yours



If I avoid saying it
does that make it any less true?
and if you say it
but then you don't pursue it
is that true either?

drawing out time
may suit us for awhile
but sometimes it feels like a slow death
is time ever squandered
if God can work with anything?
It is as it should be
but still hard
as you are part of me

My main concern is to treat others
the same way I want them to treat me
and for some reason I am still learning
to treat ME like I want to treat ME

Life is like a large set of stairs
and sometimes
when you are weary
just looking at the endless steps
makes you wonder if you will make it
and other times
God gives you all the energy in the world
to fly up them

and tonight I feel daunted
with one new step
a step away


Thursday, July 8

Reflect It

A cheater cheats himself
A hater hates himself
A player plays himself
A lier lies to himself
A doubter doubts himself
A tease teases himself
A manipulator manipulates himself
A worrier worries himself
A hoper hopes
A lover loves
A peacemaker brings peace
A patient person breeds patience
A faithful one has faith
A calm person brings calm
A reflection is a powerful thing
an unmistakeable boomerang
what we put out is what comes right back
an amazing reason to stay on track
with God's original plan for our lives
instead of embracing so many lies

His best never wavers
His truth is what was
and what IS
what will BE
so why fight that
with a big human tantrum
instead give your hand to him
walk in peace
think in peace
go in peace


Patchwork of friends

Each of my friends
is like a patch,

or subtle
worn out
or vibrant
or soft
or cozy....

and God weaves them all together
and brings support and encouragement
from them
laughter and love
through them
challenges and adversities too

but the sum of them
forms a blanket that comforts me
in all the hard times
I am going through


Monday, July 5

middle place

somewhere in between
that leads to
wedged in a place
at an angle
that is causing my leg
to fall asleep
where my butt
doesn't quite fit
the seat
when my equilibrium
is outta whack
the world seems upside down
and I wonder if it is just
the state I am in
or if the state I am normally in
is keeping me from all that
cooked spaghetti
has all the flexibility
and uncooked has none
life was not meant to be lived
in those extremes
and I reminded of this
when I eat Italian


made in china

If you hide from yourself
then you hide from others
and we don't have to air all the dirty laundry
but we also don't have to lurk in the shadows
to present a polished presentation
is to construct high scaffolding to fall from
to crochet an elaborate lie
is to lie to your very heart
one intricate loop at a time

everything we could ever do to others
we have already done to ourselves
the betrayal you feel and embrace
becomes the loss that hounds you
and seeks you when you are crying out to God
The devil is always there to present the easier way
to run from it, or throw yourself in it
whatever faster way to get in deeper

the way that was formed with cheap materials
made up of parts that corrode quickly
that peels paint to expose what it is really made of

I got it cheap
and I got it now
(right when I wanted it)
but it won't last
it wasn't made to


note to self : delete "trying"

remove trying from your vocabulary
trying is not doing
trying is a word that buys time
so you can keep NOT doing
and doing is an action word
if you cannot walk the talk
and you can only talk it
then it is HALF the testimony
isn't it?

Declare success over your life
say what you know
shout about who you already are in God
embrace the fact that you have arrived
you aren't trying to live
you live
you aren't trying to love
you love
you aren't trying to become
you are

Be forgiving of the process of emotion
while you process the adversity
while you fail at anything
and prepare for the struggle
while you aren't struggling
so you can say, I knew I'd be here
and I know I'll get through this with God
and I know I will get out too
and I was prepared
I was sent into it
trained to expect disorientation
in situations that are foreign to me
but it isn't even about my perception of those things
not even the bullets flying
God is looking out
knowing before I know
perceiving before I can feel it out
warning and placing a little red flag
in the corner of my consciousness
to catch my eye before I can even begin to see

"We are in this together", God says
"if you walk that, and you speak that
if you really live like I am here with you,
You never have to try with me,
don't you see?"



The more you compartmentalize
these spaces in your soul
and serve them accordingly
the more masters you create
the more mouths you have to feed

how exhausting to pivot endlessly
from one shady place to another
sorting out choices that do not define you
choices that keep you running
that turn the mirror away
so you are never facing
what needs to be SEEN

seen for what it is
and identified as : of the world
and heard, KNOWING that flesh is speaking
saying what you need to hear
to encourage you
or condemning you
to keep you there
in that insane cycle
that binds and distorts your every move

EXPOSE yourself!
Let all of you be KNOWN
for what you are
let them see what God sees
you cannot hide it anyway
and if you think you can
it just adds to your struggle

slash the ties that bind
true peace is having the freedom
to make awesome choices
that FEED your spirit
not freedom to steal from it
not freedom to do things that haunt you and claw at you
not freedom to prolong God's best for your life
don't play psychological games with yourself
don't even go there

God has his hand over all of it
He watches you
He understands you
and He patiently and lovingly waits
for you to default to Him
so He can make the right choice for you
He understands you
and like a car stalled out on the side of the highway
He knows you are hung up
and he meant for you to be doing 80 down the highway
with the wind in your hair
(side note: what He perceives that to be
and what you perceive that to be could be totally different)

So go in peace my brother
condemnation is not of God
struggle and strife are from the enemy
and fear
well, the bag of tricks is endless
but they are tricks none the less
and they will only trip you up
if you believe in them
so I simply ask you
what do you believe?