Sunday, March 21

Steal Kill Destroy

There is no cool side to hell
the devil will lure you away from anything of God
to a picture of "freedom", of temptation
and then he will use that same picture to torment you
he is not loyal
and he will not make you an honorary member of anything
he wants you dead
floundering in your own doubts and confusion
he just wants to isolate you
and constantly turns the tables to twist and use anything and everything against you
it is his only goal
to steal from you, kill the love and relationship you have,
and destroy you one piece at a time
so think twice before you step
ponder and consider who is presenting a new picture to you
and if it looks like a paradise but feels like a trap
focus on the trapped feeling and pray that God opens your eyes to the mirage
we say we don't want to live lost, or live a life short lived and exciting just for one moment
but then we grab the drugs or drown ourselves in alcohol
we run away with the one who will satisfy us sexually
it is just a constant stream of highs that will never fulfill us
we will claw at the next quick chance until they arrive quicker each time,
they will rush up to meet us, and satisfy us less and less...
we will move farther and farther away from reality, farther away from God's best for us
because hell is delusional and comfortable
for a moment
and we "NEED" that moment we tell ourselves...
he will whisper that, in your mind (as you)
he will keep you beaten down until you believe that is all you deserve
he will do whatever he can to tempt you
examine you from all sides until he knows your deepest wounds
your greatest weaknesses
your every flaw
and then he will exploit you
he will drag you around and manipulate you and use you for the demise of the world
and you will willingly participate because he dresses in plain clothes
because he works on your mind first and convinces you it is YOUR issues,
your problems, your weaknesses and your lack that has brought you there
you think it is blame yourself....the perfect set he dances around you
afflicting and tempting and crippling you by using your own mind against you
he will use guilt and shame and horror to shackle you to a false reality that will outweigh
always outweigh
if you let it...
and there in lies the great choice of life
the great decision
one simple choice to fight for yourself
to follow after God
and what is crazy is that you will constantly be making this choice
almost every second of every day
and it may seem daunting and exhausting at first but it gets easier
like any choice you make consistently
over and over again
it becomes automatic
until you can walk in it
and walk in it more and more
and one by one you snip those ties
you snip snip snip
until one day you open your eyes and see the world for what it is
you can look into the face of someone who is insulting you
and recognize who is taunting you and using them
who is lying and cheating and who is twisting things to suit him
who is using that persons wounds and weaknesses to dig into your wounds and weaknesses
the devil is alive and well in those who choose to walk with him
get off the path that leads to lying, stealing, and destroying
it will never lead to a cool side of hell


Wednesday, March 10

Don't miss it

Hold your breath
and you'll miss it
the goodness
in old-fashioned breathing

plug your ears
and you'll miss it
the sound of a symphony
played only for you

wring your hands
and you'll miss it
the way your fingers feel
entangled in mine

cover your mouth
and you'll miss it
the joy in a smile
that comes after a kiss

stay locked inside
and you'll miss it
the blue blue skies
and the sun to warm you

hold yourself back
and you'll miss it
the love that is waiting
to meet you half way

risk stepping out
and you'll find it
you'll entwine yourself in the world
so you can really help meet it.

step out. begin.


Oh to do what I love!

There is an old saying
that "If you do what you love, you will never "work" a day in your life!"
It is so true!!
Designing is in my bones!
It radiates from me effortlessly!
It is like having the time of your life
and then someone hands you a check for enjoying the fun!
How awesome is that?
So God grow me in this...
take the dream bigger and wider Lord
Take the dream taller and higher God
Grow in me these gifts you have planted
if I am a tree with these gifts,
then give me blooms
give me fruit too!
I want to run with it
to have so much more of what you have for me in this!
and I thank you...
for planting in me something so rewarding,
so giving
so significant to my life,
something that I am good at
and in tune with
something I love,
and love doing!


Thursday, March 4

Oh just walk in it!

take His hand
throw your head back
and laugh with your whole heart
in the realization
that He's got you
and step out
you walk on water now
you walk on air
light shoots from your fingertips
typing out love through prayer
and you glow
as you convey a love supernatural
a love in much greater portion
then you could ever conjure up on your own
and they will see it
they will know Him in you
and all you do is walk in it
all you do is take His hand


Wednesday, March 3

Redefining Love

Ahhhh the ever elusive Love
the harder I try to snag you
the more you run to hide from me
and the kind of love that is readily available
is so sexual and empty and fleeting
a means to an end for them
it makes a heart weary and sad
it shows me I was never capable of a fling
or a one night stand
only when your heart is entangled
only when you are connected
and reached for
not just reaching toward
does it work
and then
and only then
is it really love
the true meaning found
when we really give love
to really receive love


Flesh vs. Spirit

There are two ways to approach the world
One way is out of your flesh
and the other is out of your spirit

I am getting better at knowing in which I am functioning
it is like the difference between something that is two dimensional
and something that is three dimensional
it is either in black & white
or in bright vivid colors
In the spiritual there is a crispness to everything
an in-tune feeling that let's you know you are on the right track
and in the flesh there is a dullness, a lack that mocks you in between breaths
the sad thing is that the scales are always moving up and down
always trying to level out or weight us on the wrong side
constant struggle is necessary for constant growth
and even when we realize this, it is not comforting
but only makes the groaning bearable while we wade through what we have to

Thank God for His portion and His strength
that I do not have to walk through the labyrinth without Him
that He will carry me if it ever becomes too much
and I collapse

I choose colors vivid, colors bright
I chose to focus on what I have and not on what I do not
Help me Lord to not search for those things
that you intend to deliver to my doorstep
help me to surrender to your will in my life
all that you have planned for my BEST


how are you?

no, how are you REALLY?
it's one thing if you don't want to tell me
it's yet another if you don't even really know,
but don't lie
and don't be vague.
I asked because I care
because I really want to know
to me it is not just something to say
so let's have at it again...
how are you?
(I am patiently waiting, listening for your answer now)
(take your time with the truth)


the lie and The Truth

is where he tries to get me, to keep me
isolation, better yet, rejection
lie after lie
that leads to desolation
and if he can convince you to embrace them
convince you that there is nothing left to reach for
or strive for, nothing more to fly towards
if he can convince you that
you are all alone
in living, in waking, in dreaming, in dying
he's got you then
in a box under the bed
where only he takes you out to torment you
before he puts you back again

the more aware you can become
the more aware you will be of his goals, his game
and the more spiritually aware you are
the more in tune you will be when feeling "off"
If he can get you to DOUBT
and FEAR
then he has won.

Don't ever let him win!
Don't ever abandon your faith
don't you ever ever lose hope...
recognize the smoke and mirrors for what they really are
and speak LIFE and TRUTH into your life, your very existence
and practice
until you know that you know that you KNOW
who you are in Christ Jesus
He in you
and you in HIM
LOVE conquers all
LOVE wins!


Speaking Life

It is so awesome whenever I tap right into God and I can almost hear him breathing. When he proves to me that he is very much alive inside my spirit I burst with joy and that knowing totally fulfills and motivates me to draw closer.

I went to a meeting recently where Bill Johnson was teaching us all to tap into the knowledge and power of ask God for an encouraging and uplifting word or picture for someone. They threw us into practicing this so we didn't have enough time to get nervous or think too far into it. God effortlessly gave me words for some and was silent with others. I only spoke when I felt something clearly come into my mind. It was so exciting! I looked at one woman and I got education, or furthering her knowledge somehow, I wasn't sure if that meant anything to her but at the end she tapped me on the shoulder and said that she was going back to school! I got "The Holy Spirit chills"all over my arms. Recently God clarified for me if I get chills like that, it is the Holy Spirit saying "That is ME! I am IN THIS!" it is the coolest sort of physical we are best friends sharing the best sort of linked enthusiasm over the same thing.

I also met a wonderful new guy that night who readily opened his heart to me and was so transparent and I felt connected to him in a way that surpasses everyday awareness, like I have known him before, a familiar knowing that shouldn't make sense, but does anyway. He got a word for me in the car saying that God showed him a Huge smiling face and that he felt like God was so happy with me and had such blessings for me and that he felt like there was so much more there that he couldn't even convey with words. Then he said "Ya know how the devil always approaches from behind, he never comes to us face on, but hides and sneaks around..." I compared it to western where a coward would shoot someone in the back..."Well" He said " God is showing me your back and there is a long white veil that is covering the entire back of you from your head to past your feet, You are fully protected"
What an awesome word!

Another friend gave me another word...
God showed her a bone completely broken in two and then fused back together to be stronger than it ever was before. She said that the bone represented my heart and that God was acknowledging how severe the break was and that he felt it too and that he was in pain when I was in pain. (The revelation that HE hurt for me and with me was huge and tears welled up in me.) She went on to say that God was healing and restoring my heart in a way that would make it stronger than ever. Awesome!

I got one more word...from a man when we were in a formed circle...
He turned to me and squinted as he tuned in..." I see God showing me a huge pair of angel wings on your back, like you are a guardian angel for someone here on earth, you are here specifically for them, to help them."

that made me think of Brian.

No matter what adversity is thrown at me, no matter how my faith and love are challenged in the area of our relationship, God always provides more love and forgiveness for him, and I am also highly aware that it is not of me and that this portion of love and forgiveness is supernatural through and through. I have always felt a human pull in this relationship, a strong physical attraction , but maybe it was always meant to be spiritual...I know God will fully reveal that to me in His perfect time.


Love tug of war

You are part of my DNA
Loving you
a code I know without bringing attention to it
something I cannot divert from
though I try
and try again
makes sense amidst chaos
grieves my heart but gives to it
wrecks me with imaginings
torments me in absence
but each time I see your face
the sun shines down
the clouds part
and all becomes clear
if only I could shake it
if only I knew how to break away
The simplicity of the love that exists
won't let me