Thursday, July 11

Forgiving

This deep deep truth
a rooted knowing
that to pray for you
would free me

to pray for you
would stop opening this old wound
again and again
would take the sting from my memories
would break chains
and allow me to really breathe again

because in my spiritual life
I am holding my breath
unable to really move forward
choking on the pain and the hurt
and the loss and the anger

all vines, wound too tight
around my heart
a constant string around my finger
a reminder to forgive you
to let you go from this cage
where I have locked you up
for hurting me
and paced in front of it
for what feels like decades

nothing good
comes from holding you there
because sadly
it holds ME there
so I end up dwelling in a place I never wanted
lurking in a past that keeps me hurting...wallowing

like trying to hold a crow
that keeps pecking your hand
why would you let it make wounds
when you could release it?

Oh wretched heart
that doesn't know what to do
that doesn't know how to let go

God knows how
and He is urging me now
to start with one prayer
and then say another
and then one day
I'll be freed from being held under
a curse I allowed
while I held onto hate
an emotion to me so foreign
so binding
and so crippling

to let go
to move past
to allow it to wash over me
and then settle at my feet
so I can step aside from it
and walk on down the beach

Those prayers keep washing
one layer at a time
exposing layer after layer
and reclaiming
all
that once
was mine.

~C

She

Bright blond hair
blue eyes
and fair
but tan in summer
if you must know your share
of random personal facts

and

She cares too much
and she cannot be convinced
that she should watch the news
(truth can't be minced)
and you can woo her with lies
because she knows the things she likes to hear
but she can see it in your eyes
if you really love, if she is dear

She likes to collect nudes
but is too shy to be naked,
listens to the roar of the ocean
and wonders at how it never stops and never tires...

She watches her children sleep and then takes countless pictures
from all angles
and stays up far too late writing these words
copied from handwritten pages.

~C

Best of you

Chances squandered
opportunities lost
like potential trapped within you
bored with the waiting
wondering if it will ever be
never being able to breathe
or step outside of you to see
it's reality
it's possibility

This dream you think of everyday
but never allow to come out to play

That lurks in the shadows
of who you could be
and plays peek a boo with
all that you "should" be

Two voices war...
one wanting the best for you

The other trying to get the best OF you,
that voice is trying to waste time
to distract you
to get you to burn out

And the other, that one that wants the best
it fights for NOW
for you to take the steps now
that will open the doors of later
that will open the windows that let all the light in
that will shine all over your future

And you get to decide who wins out
you get to foster hope
or retire to sighing
you get to dig deep and push
or watch it slip away from you
from a distance

That lady that started as the secretary
20 years later she is the CEO
and her advice?
to do everything
with your everything
to give your best
no matter your title

And if she never started?
she'd have never begun
she'd have never believed
she'd have never won

Listen to me
about listening.

The voice you heed
is either getting the best of you
or evoking the best from you

And you get to decide.

~C

a FLASH , a VAPOR

Get out of your head
stop analyzing
let go
and don't strategically plan your every move
wing it
just for today
and make it up as you go along
let the wind
take you where it will
don't do anything
you normally do
think outside the box
open the box and get out!
run with it
go with it
go with the flow
end up somewhere unexpected
somewhere different
somewhere amazing
stop texting
and look up
look around you
don't let life pass you by
smell those roses
notice those white fluffy clouds
those bright "hello" faces
be alive
within your life
and try not to blink
it will be gone
in a FLASH.

~C