Friday, June 7


My reality
my own creation
born of my experience
out of the emotions those caused
nothing like yours
even though we may feel the same
even though we may feel different
or process things
as differently as the sun and the moon

I want to scream
you run and hide
I go to bat
you crumble and cry
I bite my nails
you drink and party
a stressor
a distractor
a coping mechanism
a learned response
that has solidified over time
and deepened and evolved
not always for the better

So now you are calling me out
challenging my pig headed ways
and my calculated wanderings
I know what I am doing
even if I never acknowledge it
even if what I do does not serve me anymore
but save me from it
if it makes me worse
if it takes away
and pushes you to a far corner of my universe

We get this way
one step at a time
one habit gone wrong
one fracture too much
deep in our heart of hearts
and what was once clear
has fuzzy edges now
before going blurry
and sometimes made worse through tearful eyes
or made numb with giving up
or giving in
or with distancing
from all our unraveling dreams
the ones we made for ourselves without consulting God

Don't give up on me
on the part of me that won you over
and convinced you I was dear
and made you laugh
and held you close
the very core of me, sincere
don't magnify my faults and fears
don't challenge me without love

My very best is woven in
with the worst and with the in-between
I am such a mix of everything
and sometimes I can be too much for myself
sometimes I want to walk away from me too
or just turn down my volume
or shut it down....just for a day

So I don't have to process things
I don't have to think
or make one choice
or have one feeling
or be anywhere
or meet anyone
or try

But life keeps on spinning
whether you participate or not
and I was designed to do God's bidding
He has carved a spot for me....
a specific place where I am needed and wanted
a place where I am understood
and inspired
to be just as I am
and He'll wait for me forever
to arrive

So there is no comparison
not to you
no, to none
my life will never be duplicated
and what I can offer is individually ONE
one experience
one perspective
one compassion
all my own
one road walked
and sometimes ran
and sometimes crawled
to reach a place only I could have arrived
to do a job created only for me
tailored and designed
for me to succeed
to prosper
to thrive
simply by being alive.