Thursday, July 26

now

remembering
processing
hurting
running
growing
stretching
numbing
tearing
retching
suffering
wondering
hoping
reaching
burning


& rising from ashes...

~C

masked

you just need a gun
you accomplice to the crime
you drove the get away car
your presence, a landslide
your roll in my life
the backside
your ninja kick to my domino's
like a RESET
control alt delete
while I wait staring at a black screen
it is easier to let you hurt me
than face my unforgiveness
my disappointment in my own deficit
unable to dig deep anymore...

Dear God take the stinger from my memory
can't rewrite it
but can choose what to do with it
take me out
subtract my part
RESET
mind over matter
on to what matters now
a reality that adds
a reality that IS
replacing
what was.

~C

stuck

New chapter
of a very old story
one I do not want to keep telling
or living
to be honest
and yet I am a main character
included in the writing
in a way that entangles me until the very end
and if I could
I would write a way out
it seems easier
that I should live out a boring old alternate ending
that you wouldn't be interested in reading anyway...
but wanting out
only makes me more interesting
only develops my plight
so that you want to know why I want out even more...
such is life
this catch 22
these things that you resist
they create layers that smother
that take you deeper
to a place that you fear you are running out of breath
and like quicksand and struggling
they just don't mix

~C

bursting bubbles

It always seems like a good idea
but it rarely is
the mood isn't right
or the intention is askew
or the temperature leaves you sweating, waiting
for anything,
but the nothing that does come

infused with expectation
your attention wanes
wanting it so badly
this dream scenario to unfold before you
a stage set with all the right players

but alas it does not
and you stare at your feet
wondering why God gave you such an awesome imagination
if all the things you can imagine
never intend to solidify before your eyes

if all your fantasies are doomed to flourish
only in your sleeping hours
and lived out horizontally with eyes flashing beneath lids
feeling everything
but doing
none of it

~C