Monday, August 26

mind over matterS

A decision to love yourself
to put YOU first
instead of waiting for leftovers
or being the leftovers
or letting the leftovers of your heart choose for you

I have this uncanny way of waiting for something
like I am eternally at a bus stop
and I have grown accustomed with not going anywhere
as if I am waiting for someone to walk up
and hand me a ticket
where THEY think I should go

But I know me
I know what I like
and what I don't
and I have ideas of where I'd like to go....
the tricky part is the "here to there" part
the puzzling thing is that I rather spend my time dreaming
and not all the time GOING
and then I feel like a loser for not going
and then I just get sad

and so on and so on

Choosing change
has to do with just doing it
with accomplishing something little
and then something more
building something
and believing in yourself,
that it is within your capacity

Believing God has an adventure past your doorstep
if you are just willing to get outside
literally OUTSIDE
with random people and in random places
but also OUTSIDE your head
out of your rut
with grooves so deep you need 4 wheel drive
and determination
and guts to defy yourself

By now you know what works
and you know what doesn't help at all
and to choose to be conscious
in your own life
would be really helpful
and to be accountable too
would be magnificent

You know that you know that you know
you can do it
so get outside
get outside your head.


Inside OUT

On the outside,
it's where you wear your inside
and you cannot hide
no matter how many layers you wear
or try to distract as you accessorize....
what gives you away is that you are uncomfortable
you shift
and you straighten
but your pants don't fit
and in your heart
you feel you just don't fit in
not in your clothes
or in with your friends
or in your life
like they cast the wrong body
to play your body.

Inside there is a woman
dying to be lived out
that looks nothing like you
who is not self conscious or stressed
who walks with a little self confidence
and she is thinking of you
as much as you are thinking of who you could be
if you put in the effort.

Letting your outside meet with your inside
where your thoughts become actions
and actions fuel goals
and by putting one foot after the other
and running the miles it takes to reach her,
reach you.

When you are determined
and when your inside and your outside
become so similar
the success is palpable
and your living it
your doing it
your loving life
and not distracted anymore
with how your pants don't fit.