Wednesday, December 29

not needing to understand

Tragic things happen
things that test our faith
things that just seem so random and heartbreaking
but instead of doubting God in these situations
we need to remember
God is the love and the hope that rushes into that situation
He is not the situation
nor did He create it
we will have to ask Him one day why He allowed it
but that is where trust comes in
we try to makes sense of everything through our human perspective
we crave justice
and yet we flirt with disaster
and above all we find it almost impossible to give up control
if it doesn't make sense, then it must not make sense
we are more comfortable with playing God
then we are with letting God be God
and trusting that He is all knowing
that His intentions are awesome
that His love for us supersedes any kind of love we could create or experience
His ways are above our ways
His thought are above our thoughts
this is a GOD of the UNIVERSE people!

we can never comprehend the dynamic going on
the intricate inner workings of a plan that began long before us
and that plan will continue on long after we leave this earth
but while we are here
my goal is to really surrender
to really trust that God has me in the palm of His hand
that He loves me like I am the only human that ever existed
and that He has enough love in Him to love us all like that and then some
till the end of time

It is ironic that my blog is called "waiting to understand"
(that may never happen until I get to heaven, and I think I can handle that)
it should be "trying to understand"
when really I want it to be "I surrender to not needing to understand"
I do not need an explanation to love
I have the choice to trust
the choice to believe
no matter what the world conveys
no matter what it shows me
It is why God asked us to set our eyes on the things above!
He knew the tragedies that have been and that will be
He knows the heartache
He knows how hard it is to process it all
all the feelings that would come to us because of them
the scars that would be made
the haunting of our minds
and so He warns us
His goal,
to protect us
now if we will just listen instead of trying to sort it out for ourselves
grasp something within the situation that feels solid
find someone to blame, or accuse
we think we know what will make us feel better
but the key to freedom and laying down the burden
is to admit that we don't know

and there is too much proof
too many clues
that encourage me to make the choice to love
and to surrender
and to trust
every day.


Monday, December 27

This is how God speaks to me

I went to "soak" for the first time
simply meaning I went to someones home
with some other people
and they played music
and we all rested and listened to what God had to say to us
then after we shared

this is what God said to me....

You know how you can be with someone
and be so content with them,
so understood by them,
that you do not need words?
This is where I want you to be with me.
This is the level of contentment I want you to feel and convey in your life.
No need to say anything,
and if I give you something to impart you will know.
Remember the love relationship.
Dwell on the way that I love you best.
I love you perfectly.
Come and rest with me.
Let me look into your eyes and convey my love and my understanding,
my compassion and my knowing,
all within a look.
Looking into you, and at you.
You make me happy my love!
(that part made me cry!)

I will always want to hold your hand
I will always receive your embrace
and I will always be reaching out to you.

You don't have to understand now
In time I will reveal everything to you
do not struggle & sort
This world is twisted and tangled in itself
even understanding it will not bring comfort & peace
But I bring those things
so dwell on me my child.

(I got up to go to the bathroom,
and on the wall there was a picture of an old sailing ship,
and under the the ship it said "Homeward Bound", and God used the picture to say this...)

that is what you are!
(that made me tear up too!)

(Then instead of going to sit down again, I felt like I was supposed to wander around and look at the art and photos on the wall of this woman's home. I came to a large photograph of her ancestors and it was during the Victorian Era and they were dressed so beautifully. God had me look at each of their faces, like zone in on each one of them individually and this is what He said...)

I look at each person,
just how you look at each of your own children
I am filled with Love looking at them!
I delight in them!
Everything about them is precious and special
I love them specifically for who they are,
EACH of my children.
They amaze me and they make me laugh!
I cannot imagine a life without them
cannot remember the time before they existed to me and yet,
to me they always existed and they always will!
Isn't that wonderful?!
All that love, that just one person brings to me,
and I multiply that by generations and generations!
The bad you could do will never outweigh the LOVE I have for you!

Let them see who I created you to be
throw off the weight of the world
the weight that weighs you down & limits you!
Break away from those things that stand in the way of my light shining through you!
Like taking the candle out of the lantern so you are all light
So do not put yourself into anything that hides your light
You were meant to shine!
I designed you to simply, shine.
You limit yourselves but I do not limit you.
I give you wings not so that you can preen them and show them off
I gave you wings to FLY
remember their real purpose
YOUR real purpose

(as all this came to me I wrote it down. Being quiet and waiting to hear what God wanted to say, was so amazing and sweet. I encourage you to try it. He wants to talk to you too! )


Free Will

I tried to change
I got rid of clutter
I lost weight
I tried to think of ways
to make myself more attractive
of ways to make him love me
until I realized I can only control myself
and did I really want someone to love me,
because I MADE them?
or tricked them?
or convinced them?

The true brand of love that sticks
is one based on free will
where someone willingly chooses to love you
where they choose to stay because they want to

God knew exactly what this meant

He will not put you in a cage
He will not twist your arm
and although He runs after you
and could easily catch you
He will never force you to go with Him

He is patient and kind
He is gentle and compassionate
He wants the very best for you
but He will not MAKE you do anything

He encourages you
He loves you
and He waits

He waits and waits and waits....

and when you finally collapse in His arms
He sighs a huge sigh
Oh how He missed holding you
and there is no guilt in that embrace
He will not chastise you
and if He knows that you will turn and go in a mere hour from now
He will not let on

He lives in the moment
treasuring it for all it is worth
and relishing in the time He does have
and He hopes these moments get longer and longer each time
until we are so content with Him
that we don't choose to leave Him anymore.


A good fire

there are so many elements that make a good fire
A fire that will catch,
and successfully burn
If you have newspaper,
but you don't have kindling
it just doesn't create a high enough temperature
to sustain enough heat....
and you could put a ton of newspaper in there
but it is just a temporary burn
the fire will consistently burn out before it can get the wood burning....
do you see the spiritual analogy yet???

So I think we search for ways to motivate ourselves spiritually
see the problem?
and all these ways,
they lead to the temporary burn,
that temporary high
that brings us close to the Lord in that moment
but then we leave Him where we found Him
when we leave that moment
but He wants to be with us always
He wants to light you from within
with all the right elements
He wants to ignite you so that you burn the fruits of His spirit
because if your life is producing these qualities
people will see your fire before they see you
they will know the warmth of your spirit
through the amazing love of God

When the coals are there glowing
the foundation of the fire is laid
and then keeping the fire going
becomes a matter of throwing on another log

I used to think making a fire looked like a pretty simple thing
until I tried it

God wants us to allow Him to make the fire for us
He wants to teach us through the Holy Spirit in a way that will stick
a way that will stay with us because it occurred through revelation
God is our fire
and through Him we will always know warmth
His fire will always be a tool that will provide for us
raw meat, will be cooked meat, because of God

He came to take care of us
to offer us every good thing in the world
if we will only look to Him to provide it.