waiting to understand

I always considered myself a pretty patient person. Much more so with people... If a machine jams or a computer deletes what I am writing and I can't get it back....well then I start gnashing my teeth at it and huffing and puffing. People, at least, I can try to reason with. So patience is a tricky thing, because it can get irritating, being patient, and sometimes it can leave you lonely but it can also make you feel proud that you are able to keep it up too. I am trying to become a MASTER at not complaining while being patient. You know those people in line at Disney World when you are in the kind of line you cannot get out of easily and you are too far away from the beginning but quite a ways from the end and they start griping....well it is understandable sure.....they investmented a lot of their time and now they feel stuck and to turn back now would be such a waste, and they really want to ride the amazing ride! (This is totally an analogy for my life if you haven't caugh...

angels sleeping side by side how did you get so big already? how did I play a part in something so amazing that keeps on growing with the love in my heart as you sleep while I watch and I wonder at the beauty of your very existence!

Why do we have to measure success....with diplomas, and salaries, and material things? Why the endless search and destroy mission for more and then MORE! The temporary joy fades and leaves you disenchanted, unsatisfied. The real meaning of life, discarded and passed by, while you flounder to climb higher and higher.... We all take different paths, and that should be OK , shouldn't it? Part of me is feeling fine with my accomplishments, and another part of me so defensive, so willing to PROVE myself at one probing glance, an implication that I may not have done enough with my life so far. What have YOU done? What are you doing NOW? We do that you know, scramble to achieve things on paper, jot them down, keep record and check it twice....I've made something of myself see! See it is right here in black and white! Ahhhhh .....but how profound to look through those documents after someone has died, and measure their life with these accomplishments. How morbid but too how enlighten...