waiting to understand

Thinking about you and collecting memories like fireflies and putting them in my heart instead of a jar to keep for always the memories of you famous for your biscuits and gravy breakfast establishing a " Milby tradition" before I was ever on the scene first time I had ever eaten it you had to explain what lard was and nothing compares since I can hear you laughing telling me "Christie, you're such a good sport Honey" when Charles drives me back from the snipe hunt or swinging on the porch with me A night at the cabin so black we can not see each other so I concentrate on your accent on your story-telling I can hear your voice in my head even now no one can say"Bless your heart" without me thinking of you I love how God put such a feisty spirit in such a faithful body I love the contrast of you I adopted you for my own Grandma blessed by you, long before I was officially family and you were so easy to love so encouraging and sweet to me I will miss ...

heart on my sleeve I am sad now I am happy but it is no indication of my true heart that beats within my chest that is fueled by spirit thats rhythm calls your name that is fueled by the blood that you shed so I could really live ~C

where do you spend your time where do you dwell where do you tie up your energy well? do you ponder His goodness do you wonder in awe at the blessings He's given at the awesomeness of it all? or do you mull over the misfortune and doubt why you are here do you curse your existence and face life in fear? invest your time wisely fight for your rest and take your time finding out what He meant for your best! time is fleeting power is in prayer and lost in wandering hold fast to the optimism He planted in your heart hold tight to the promises as if they were some kind of chart that will take you transcend you through space and time to a place where you can handle anything because of your perspective of mind! ~C

You are being ugly saying things you may later wish you could retract and I could let you hurt me let scars form from your lack of tact but I won't and I will choose to put on my compassion glasses so I can see the "hurt you" inside the "mean you" the hurting within that lashes out and wants to infect I can see past all of that deep deep down where your wound is festering where it does not heal because you do not let it maybe you don't know how so I see into that place and I pray for you I see past the harshness of you into the wounds of you so I can pray for you and I am not offended just thankful that I can see you as God intended ~C

Ouch that hurt that thing you said and I went into my room and climbed into bed and I cried in my pillow and I boo- hooed all sad but then before too long out to confront the lie before it grew I went out to talk to you and you listened you apologized you hugged me with a sorry and it was resolved before it ever got too out of hand God you have such a way of reeling me back in ~C

My relationship with you like that sweater that hugs me nicely that suits my taste keeps me warm too but then.... I notice it is itchy probably 10% wool but suddenly it feels like 50% fast and no matter how good it seems I have to take it off and I cannot justify all those other things.... God's voice overrides the temporary pleasures that we find in the places we were not meant to stay in ~C