waiting to understand

Thank you God for church today. I needed it so much. I have been in a funk Lord and I know that you know (before I say a word it as if it is already written within You, and this is incredibly comforting to me.) I expressed how I was feeling to Marvin, A man in a wheel chair that comes to the Pantry on Tuesdays and loves to challenge us, and question us to build us up....and then in a loving way he shares scripture that speaks to whatever comes up. This Tuesday I am telling him about the funk I am in, this quiet place where I feel complacent and discouraged. "Sounds like you are in a winter." He says, "God tells us there is a time to reap and a time to sow...but there is also a time to rest, a quiet time, where it feels like nothing is happening to us, even though there is always something happening with God." This was so comforting to me, to know that even though I was feeling this way, bound in someway, that it is not necessary to struggle. I can sit there and proc...

I know that I know I don't have to ask and it makes me feel sad as if my heart is in a cast with stifling walls that cause me short breaths these limited surroundings closing in feels like drowning or what I'd imagine... my soul floundering please heart!! stop caring!! let go....let go....or be dragged kicking and screaming or maybe I feel nothing being carried away to an ending mourning but no more crying definitely a sort of dying what is it going to take? what will be my final straw? am I waiting for something to break? does it all require a fall? or will it happen while I am sleeping an awakening as I am dreaming... a slipping away in the night while I cradle my pillow tight? or will it happen like I least expect it to a band-aid ripped off or the drop of a shoe? or a gasp with a cry, can I ask myself why it is taking so long... instead I'll ask God "Why is it taking so long?" ~C

I am in Chamberlin Book Mine Rows and rows of books to the ceiling a "candy" store for those who love to read Oh and I do and Hayden and Sky are running down the isles and then resisting the urge to keep running once I have asked them to please walk and then Hayden runs down a short isle anyway an isle that ends with a wall and he likes to do this lately slam into the wall all dramatically only this time when he does, he knocks over a pile of magazines stacked close to the floor on a bottom shelf and like a lot of messes he makes it seems to demand more energy to clean it up than it did to make so I walk down the isle and tell him I will help him and as I am helping him re stack the magazines I glance to my left and lying there on the bottom shelf on top of one other book is a book called "The hidden Life" I pick it up and read the back cover intrigued, I flip to the middle and read a passage {this is how I test a book...flip to the middle and start reading the st...