I am so fascinated lately with human relationship. It is so strange how fragile relationships can be and how the love seems to fade out with time. The love fades and then people just move on. How can we ever make any sort of guarantee to one another? The possibilities are endless and they swirl about us. There are temptations galore and beyond that we are constantly growing and changing. There was never any promise that we would change together, at the same pace. Life is hard, but sharing our lives with another so intricately complicated person is even harder!
Why are we so passionate and loving in the beginning and then it fades to indifference? Why do we get to the point where we don't even speak to each other with love? It is like the more we know about each other we use against each other....we can hurt more deeply and hit below the belt with such accuracy because we KNOW all the weak points, all the vulnerabilities. Why wouldn't that make us love and support each other more? Why wouldn't it encourage us to use more care and understanding? What are we so MAD about? Why is it so easy to throw in the towel and start again with someone new? No wonder there is such a learned casualty with moving on. More and more people you date and love and marry, because you create this disposable pattern. It becomes easier to move past it, re-create it (so you think).
Why do we kiss and touch and gaze at each other in the beginning, and then find ourselves years later squirming if we look too long, feeling put out if someone wants to kiss, and not needing to touch each other anymore? What happens, and WHY? What is lost? and at what POINT in the journey?? What goes missing? What festers and kills? What taints and bruises us?
It is so SO sad to me.
There are so many people I've talked to lately that are struggling. That are divorced or getting divorced or are so close to it. Some have weaved it in there and it lives with them, this silent option, there waiting. Or maybe it is never to be an option for some, so they divorce in other ways....with not touching, and not kissing, with cutting each other out of their lives in countless ways creating a slow death or indifference and living parallel to one another. Aware, but utterly unengaged of each other. Comfortable with the dysfunction, with knowing what to expect, even if it is creating a void in their hearts, even when it steals their potential and creative will to give and receive LOVE.
Are we just fickle? Is it just what it is? The endless scenarios that lead to separation and heartache...that with time we hope, fades. But for some it is a haunting reminder of their every day, tormenting and needling them with their past....unfinished business left trailing behind them like a worn unraveling sweater, into their "new" life.
There are so many factors swirling about, so many things that challenge and test....and it comes down to choices. Ones you can live with may effect the other person in a way that they cannot deal....we effect each other that way....ripples pushing out....
so I continue to wonder at the mystery, weep for the loss and hurt caused, and then feel indifferent as I realize it happens so commonly. Indifferent, but then incredibly grateful that I have control over the few choices I have to make, that I can choose to add life and keep on kissing, keep on reaching out to touch the one I am with. In each day, I can choose to Love.