For J.B.

That gnawing
that feels like aching
like an itch you can never quite scratch
someone knocking on the door that has been nailed shut
it will not be easily reopened
and trying to, will jar him into acknowledgment...
or so that is the plan

He knew the choice he just made
would blow his world apart
open wide
exposing every part of it
like a gaping wound exposing bone
there would be no more hiding
no more shadows or alley ways
no shades of gray to conceal his options
there weren't any
not any more

No turning back
no last look
that was then
and he is living in the now...
hands shaking
head throbbing
the long drawn out painful process
of adjusting to the light
that some days shines too bright
and singes the end of his shame
and reminds him of the easy death of sin
(that he could still chose to die)
and yet it is exhilarating
to step out of the darkness
new and not tired
hopeful and raw
stark and fragile
and no matter how flawed he is
the plans for him are not...
this new beginning
is from God
and perfect
in it's timing



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