waiting to understand

I used to get so hyped up if a situation developed like a grey cloud slowly forming I could feel it until that cloud swelled with rain until it just couldn't hold on any longer and then it fell I would work myself into a grey place and fitfully process the emotions that mirrored the color and then there was drama born all wet with all that rain I don't have a lot of drama in my life now It was a slow process of weeding out a conscious effort a new approach a renewed mind but I got here and now I can see the cloud trying to form way far off in the distance I can feel the clouds collecting trying to bring about something unedifying I see it way in advance and I am prepared and I dwell on the truth and I know that the cloud is not what it seems that the cloud is not a cloud at all but a lot of unexpressed emotion a lot of not knowing where you are or what you want and so how can you really tell me? and that would make me feel frustrated too So the grey is not literal meant to sca...

God YOU know you know my thoughts my struggles what is black and what is white I don't have to sort that out or struggle to know for myself and that is a good thing I can just default to you I just want HEALTHY I want to lay all my cards on the table and it would be awesome if everyone in my life was willing to do the same but there is a game being played by people who don't even know they are playing who are entangled in a chain of the past formed link by link that weighs them down but they are used to dragging it God to the point where they don't know any different and when they bang around the chain hits me sometimes on accident and sometimes on purpose and either way, it hurts help me to cope with the pain with the frustration about the fact that they don't even SEE the chains that they hurt me with and just give me your eyes God and your ears so I can perceive the situation as YOU perceive it and help me to be OK with not communicating because maybe it doesn't...

your arms that hold and comfort with strength and sincerity and love that conveys what your heart says with your mouth that confirms with words what you can't hide because your arms convey it first ~C

I am OK right now the way I am it is not tomorrow I will be good or when I complete this or when I do that I will be somebody you are somebody this very second divinely purposed an amazingly beautiful one and only YOU inspired and fully equipped through God to do every awesome thing you were created to accomplish in this life so dwell on the fact that what God completed in you He WILL finish and also that all things work to GOOD and that every little thing happens for a reason and God saw it all before it ever happened so what are you wiggin out for? isn't that all so comforting?? ~C

There is a way of seeing a newness born out of oldness when you don't limit yourself a renewed vision of something you thought you drove past but now you see it in a new light and because of where you are right now you become aware of the fact that you are not who you used to be and what you saw then is not what you see now even how you take everything in is different because you are not who you were then and your eyes perceive the same thing in a new way some things are more precious and appreciated some things clearly defined or rejected but not with drama either simply seen for what they are and accepted or not accepted and life goes on from a new platform you view your life forever seeing a new vision that will ultimately shift and change again and that is OK too something to look forward to knowing that we will always be changing and that the key to that is just to keep learning ~C

The lady was ranting and raving about the one thousand dollar hand bag going on and on about what an outrage that is and how the quality doesn't justify the price and really just how ridiculous it is.... and what I see is a spiritual porthole into what she is really ranting about the lie that is being bought into the injustice of worth placed in an inanimate object one that doesn't carry it's weight in value and one that will not last and God booms from the heavens YOU ARE THE VALUE it is not in anything you can buy or attain it is in your spirit and God's ability to live out of your spirit put the price tag on what really holds value your self worth is weighed down in riches galore and it overflows with the value that God has placed in you every possibility to express every good thing that God has for the world and you have precious ears to hear all that and precious eyes to see it and a heart that is sensitive to FEEL it too and hands and feet that can carry a messag...

The very core of me the part of me that is spirit is quiet and calm and serene but I can feel something outside forming and weighing but it doesn't make the core of me waver The heaviness is separate and being spiritually aware I know it is growing on me like a vine the kind that covers the top and steals the light but before it can close in I start ripping it off and I suck out the drama with a big turkey baster and I keep my freak meter in check no freaking out today that is what God does sorts the lies from the truth so the lies can be ditched so the truth can be formed into an invincible sword that slices and dices those vines and the weight is lifted your branches are free again and your calm spirit never wavered through any of it ~C