No need for the Drama

I used to get so hyped up if a situation developed
like a grey cloud slowly forming
I could feel it
until that cloud swelled with rain
until it just couldn't hold on any longer
and then it fell
I would work myself into a grey place
and fitfully process the emotions that mirrored the color
and then there was drama
born all wet with all that rain

I don't have a lot of drama in my life now
It was a slow process of weeding out
a conscious effort
a new approach
a renewed mind
but I got here

and now I can see the cloud trying to form
way far off in the distance
I can feel the clouds collecting
trying to bring about something unedifying
I see it way in advance
and I am prepared
and I dwell on the truth
and I know that the cloud is not what it seems
that the cloud is not a cloud at all
but a lot of unexpressed emotion
a lot of not knowing where you are
or what you want
and so how can you really tell me?
and that would make me feel frustrated too

So the grey is not literal
meant to scare or harm
it is an outside manifestation
of an inner storm
a struggle that is your own
that I can see and be intimidated and effected by
or one that I can instead recognize as an inner battle
that was never meant to shake me up directly
not my battle to fight
not my decisions to make either
I can pray for you
and I can tell you how I am feeling
but other than that
I am powerless to make a difference for you
it is going to take you facing your own giants
it's really not about me

my choices are not your choices
your choices are meant for you alone
and although they effect others
you are the one that has to live in your head with them
to steer your car have to use your own wheel
to take the first step
you first have to remember
you can walk

There is no need for drama
unless you are getting something out of the drama itself
and I am not needing that anymore
or wanting it

I just want PEACE
and understanding
and GRACE
and lots and lots of LOVE
that surpasses all understanding
that surpasses all need to sort it out
that surpasses anything twisted that could be thrown at me
as it was flying through the air
the comment would be untangled to reveal
what you you really saying
so I could see it for what it was
and it would fall heavy with truth at my feet
and I would simply look at it
and have compassion for you
knowing instantly in my heart
what you really meant to say

~C





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