YOU know so I don't need to

God YOU know
you know my thoughts
my struggles
what is black
and what is white
I don't have to sort that out
or struggle to know for myself
and that is a good thing
I can just default to you

I just want HEALTHY
I want to lay all my cards on the table
and it would be awesome
if everyone in my life
was willing to do the same
but there is a game
being played by people
who don't even know they are playing
who are entangled in a chain of the past
formed link by link
that weighs them down
but they are used to dragging it God
to the point where they don't know any different
and when they bang around
the chain hits me
sometimes on accident
and sometimes on purpose
and either way,
it hurts

help me to cope with the pain
with the frustration
about the fact that they don't even SEE the chains
that they hurt me with
and just give me your eyes God
and your ears
so I can perceive the situation as YOU perceive it
and help me to be OK with not communicating
because maybe it doesn't even matter
maybe it just makes everything worse

but what if it is ME
and the way I communicate works for all but one
do I find another avenue
or is it about staying true to who you ARE?
tell me God
teach me
school me
I really really want to know.

~C

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