frozen

forgive me
forgive me
forgive me
for being a bumbling human
the kind who doesn't know how to express her heart
or say goodbye without screwing it up

how do you stand before a beautiful wall
and take a hammer to it?
Tear down something you helped to build
something you love...?

Loving comes easily to me
it is when it unravels that I don't know what to do
I am more concerned with staying calm
than with taking a stand
or telling someone they crossed a line for me
my nature to step back
rather than put my hand up

Sassy to me always translated as bitchy
and I knew it wasn't what I wanted to be
but to be assertive and up front....I know it would help
but I don't know if I have it in me
& that will cost me

In these times where I louse it up
where I let go, one ribbon at a time, in my head
but I don't tell you that until the end
and I run

because looking you in the eyes
would rip my guts out
I'd look at you with frozen lips
and conceal my cowardly heart
that cannot say the things I fear
and I am so sorry

Matters of the heart
tangle my spoken words to the point of chaos
where I want to ask myself to be quiet
and go to my room
and come back when I have something constructive
something worthy to share

~C








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