stay out

I cannot hear you any more
I cannot hear you over the roar of my own engine
my self loathing
and my regret
my pain and my sorrow
my guilt that bleeds into tomorrow
I cannot hear you pleading
it might as well be bleating
it makes my ears hurt
what you say goes through a scrambler of my own making
so that it comes out all wrong
riles up my thinking
if I am defensive you won't know I am leaking
that I am drowning
that I am roting and reeking
spray the lysol
disenfect the discord
sterylize the loss
with gloved hands I can now touch the sacred preserved inards
of the heart of me
the part of me I give to nobody
an island wild and deserted and unrefined
secluded to a fault
starving for an appreciative eye
meant for greatness
but over protected with many many guns
don't let 'um in
and I ensure it will never be changed
but oh
then it will never change
things can never change

~C

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

and he wonders

from the backseat I hear a little voice ask "Mommy what is your name?" It is so neat that he wonders this out of the blue... "Christie" I say "Oh, Christie, I like that name" "Thanks Bud, I like your name too!" "Daddy and I got to pick your name!" So for the first time this little man who is so grown up already says my name calls me something other than Mommy and the significance of that hangs in the air my baby becomes a boy in that moment. ~C
Read more

Gut Feeling

I noticed how often I go by the FEEL of something, or the Feel of a situation, or maybe I should say how I feel about it, I go by FEELING through it. Some would say they just had a "gut feeling" about something, that is what I am getting at. Some times I cannot even explain why a certain situation I am in, or even time with a certain person does not feel right, it just doesn't. It is like oil and water in a glass, and I can shake it up from time to time to make it feel right for a short time, but then it will go back to being divided, unable to resist it's true nature in my life. It wasn't meant to be for me, and I feel that, while it is being revealed to me. Most of the time I fight these gut feelings, but it is futile most of the time, because there is a sense of unrest in me when I resist. A subtle off-throwing of what I usually do. If I am honest with myself and I stand back, I can see that I am avoiding acknowledging it, The thing or situation or the relatio
Read more

finding you in everything

Sometimes I write what I want to be said to me what I'd like to hear what I imagine to be true what I need or desire from you Sometimes I daydream I wonder if I'll ever... I imagine my forever and it's nice to see it on paper even if it never comes true, with you And sometimes I sing sing the songs that remind me repeat the lyrics that tend to haunt me words conveying feelings that I have felt too, for you Sometimes I close my eyes and see you in my mind sleep and dream an adventure we may never have together but keep all the same close to my heart This concentration of my imagination, my voice, my pen that finds you... in everything ~C
Read more