Not too easy to love

I am not easy to love
did I say I would be?
not that I am unloveable
no
but that I am hard to hold
like fireflies
I was not meant for a jar
to be contained
or defined
the moment you categorize me
the magic is lost

I am not easy to love
but I do not mean in the convential way
or maybe I do
I can make a home
but cooking and cleaning
only take 2 stars
but I make up for all that
with kisses and cards

I am not easy to love
because I have traveled a road
paved with much loss
and muddled with trust broken
and mared with my own wary need
to make sure I do not expose all of me
to such harshness in the future
for my own self preservation
this makes me difficult to love....
just try to get through my exterior wall of protection....

I am not easy to love
because I need to evolve and grow constantly
and I need you to be consistant in your love, patiently
but be unpredictible with your personal adventure
so you are surprising me with your ideas and dreams
I want to know you are always thinking
and not just of me....

I want to feel I influence you for the better
but I want you to be a self made man
and by self made, I mean God made
living out your destined plan
and I want to seek my plan too
and marvel at all that together
and marvel at each other
and then come together

I sometimes think I was given too many feelings,
too much awareness and not enough balance.
I am old fashioned grounded with wings on my eyes
with worn old shoes
and a head in the skies
a yearning for comfort
but too bored by too comfortable

for all these good reasons and more
I am not too easy to love.

~C

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