I noticed how often I go by the FEEL of something, or the Feel of a situation, or maybe I should say how I feel about it, I go by FEELING through it. Some would say they just had a "gut feeling" about something, that is what I am getting at. Some times I cannot even explain why a certain situation I am in, or even time with a certain person does not feel right, it just doesn't. It is like oil and water in a glass, and I can shake it up from time to time to make it feel right for a short time, but then it will go back to being divided, unable to resist it's true nature in my life. It wasn't meant to be for me, and I feel that, while it is being revealed to me.
Most of the time I fight these gut feelings, but it is futile most of the time, because there is a sense of unrest in me when I resist. A subtle off-throwing of what I usually do. If I am honest with myself and I stand back, I can see that I am avoiding acknowledging it, The thing or situation or the relationship that I need to change or let go of, that I need to move on from.
I think I bargain with myself too, as if there is some other divine way of mixing oil and water that I haven't discovered yet. But no matter how I try to make it work for me, I cannot.
I have come to connect this gut feeling to The Holy Spirit and have realized it is really his voice speaking from my gut, with my best interests at the heart of what he is asking me to let go of or move on from. Like someone that can see your future potential if you take the right path and wants to get you there, even if you cannot see that path for yourself, or the obvious signs that warn you that you are veering from that path. Like someone you really trust and respect but don't always want to hear from, because you know they will always urge you to do the right thing.... such is this relationship with the Holy Spirit. Oh and sometimes I willingly and selfishly avoid the right thing, for the thing that makes me feel better at the time. It is so hard sometimes to make the sacrifices that lead to that right thing. But I have learned the hard way that the gratification from the temporary thing I THINK is better cannot compare to the PEACE I get when I yield to what the Holy Spirit is asking me to embrace INSTEAD.
Sometimes I am going at it blind too, because I know that the Holy Spirit is leading me in a direction that is really foggy and I have no reference point, and I think "this can't be right!", I guess that is where the faith comes in. Following my gut though, LEADS me to faith, when I can acknowledge that I am in fact being LED. From experience I know that when I am unsettled there is a distinct reason why, and for the most part I am not in line with what His best is for me.
This is all kind of hocus-pocus I would think, to some, because it is just a "feeling". Just a knowing, a "feeling" I am sure of, without proof. I have just learned that if I follow The Holy Spirit's leading, I am much more at peace in my heart and in my soul. I am following a path through fog that is being set before me, one red leaf at a time....like when you are driving in a torrential down pour of rain and you can barely see the road....The Holy Spirit becomes that car just ahead of you with the flashers on....I just focus on those flashing red lights, and no matter how obscured my surroundings are, I know I will get through whatever storm life can throw at me, safely!
I also have discovered that the more I yield to these "gut feelings" ,with the continued faith that I am being safely guided, the farther I can see through the fog. It leaves me wanting more and more of that clarity, it encourages me more and more, to stay on that path in search of the plan God created for me.