Monday, September 14

Human Touch

Touch.
It is what makes a Romantic relationship different from any other.
And I know we hug our friends and maybe even kiss them on the cheek....but we don't TOUCH them, touch them. I just think that if you lack the impulse to reach out and touch the one you're with, then there is something missing, or something has died. If you live day in and day out with someone and you pass each other in the kitchen without any eye contact, or even a half-hearted glance, and if you discuss things in a detached manner and there is no love in your voice, and if you don't even kiss goodnight anymore....aren't you just roommates then? If you don't rub someones back or hold their face in your hands, if you don't even feel the desire to do so, aren't you wondering where that went? When did it go missing? and why? When did touch become so insignificant?
And why when we first meet someone we are attracted to, after the first initial getting to know you part, at the part where you reach out for the other person, why is THAT time so intense, so charged with endless energy toward touching the other person?? Just because it is NEW? Then why does it have to become old?
I remember sitting in a beauty parlor once awaiting my turn. I was with my Father-in-law and I turned to him and said, "Ya know I can imagine some of these old ladies in here, just come to get their hair done for the human touch, just to have someone massage their scalp and pamper them. Especially if they lost their husbands a long time ago and they are alone, and lonely and no one touches them anymore." He didn't seem to share my theory, but I still think it true.

Massages too are like that. The restoring healing act of touching. I am in awe of stories I hear about babies in orphanages too, where if they are not touched enough from the time they are born then they will literally DIE. Why do we die in our own relationships? Why do we kill the touching? Why DO we stop touching each other?! Just the simple outstretched hand to hold, to me, is so powerful. It says "I am here, and I want to feel you, be connected to your presence." Maybe we are just lazy....we just get lazy and complacent, and the whole thing is "the chase", but once we SNARE the other person we stop trying to reach out and then we just get more and more complacent until we totally take their presence for granted. GAH!

To be aware is to be alive, my Mom loved to say. I want to always be aware of reaching out, of WANTING to reach out....and if it dies, I want to WANT to get it back, and if it is someone else that stops reaching I need to find out why, I need to be aware enough to notice the disconnection, and the distance that happens so slowly that it c r e e p s.
I will always be one of those people reaching out....it is just how I am.
Mostly because I value touching for all it offers, and I know it is important to me.

~C

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