strife vs peace

How do you stop waiting in expectation
for something you've been waiting for so long
the waiting becomes a life of it's own
instead of living
you are waiting
hoping for comfy far off always
instead of experiencing comfy now

but then...
peace settles over me
deeply
more and more
and my soul becomes quiet
like a station with no music nor static
and my flesh wants to recognize that quietness
as despair
or a deadness
it wants to trick me into thinking there is a surrender in that
like giving up
but I know better
coming down off of a high
that I rode for so long
connected to an unhealthy way
that dragged me behind a car
and where I never got my footing
and even when I thought I had
I was mistaken

but we cannot stay there
in that false place
and so God turns in all way down
to a whisper
that we have to lean in and listen for
and the quiet that consumes us
as we patiently wait to hear the next great thing
pushes out all the drama
that churns around us
wanting in

~C

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