Your closed door is not mine

I stand before your door
and I know it well
over time you have added many locks
the hinges have been reinforced
the wood it is made from is 100 year old strong
like heart pine through fire
that will not quit, as solid as stone

You have spent time carving into it
embellishing the outside
and you find anything you can do to the outside of it
to avoid going through it
to avoid going in

I have stood holding the keys for a long long time
trying on my own
to unlock your door for you
endlessly encouraging you
more determined than you
to get inside
and sort things out in there
to help you
to love you

But today I am standing there
in deep realization
transfixed on the obvious fact
that it is not my door I am staring at
and it is not my set of keys to use
it is not my way in
or my way out, for that matter
it is personal
it is yours
and yours alone

So I may watch you embellish the door forever
or look on while you purposely misplace the keys
maybe you choose to look past the door altogether
and it is your choice to make
I am learning to respect that choice
not become emotional with disappointment
or own your decisions as my own

My door is standing wide open
the breeze flows in and out
and you can see the ocean beyond it
there are flowers at the door
and a huge welcome sign
a huge heart plaque
so plain to see
that conveys
you are invited in
it declares
"here I am!"
with my heart on my sleeve
my good and my bad
the beauty with the ugly
and
this is how I feel
this is who I am
this is what I am about
you get all of it

nothing to hide
nothing to fear
nothing to lock up

Life outside your door
in the dark hallway
presents the mirage of control
because it is contained
and seems manageable
and is 2 dimensional
but there is way more
there is so much more
if you can get beyond that door.

~C

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