waiting to understand

I used to get so hyped up if a situation developed like a grey cloud slowly forming I could feel it until that cloud swelled with rain until it just couldn't hold on any longer and then it fell I would work myself into a grey place and fitfully process the emotions that mirrored the color and then there was drama born all wet with all that rain I don't have a lot of drama in my life now It was a slow process of weeding out a conscious effort a new approach a renewed mind but I got here and now I can see the cloud trying to form way far off in the distance I can feel the clouds collecting trying to bring about something unedifying I see it way in advance and I am prepared and I dwell on the truth and I know that the cloud is not what it seems that the cloud is not a cloud at all but a lot of unexpressed emotion a lot of not knowing where you are or what you want and so how can you really tell me? and that would make me feel frustrated too So the grey is not literal meant to sca...

God YOU know you know my thoughts my struggles what is black and what is white I don't have to sort that out or struggle to know for myself and that is a good thing I can just default to you I just want HEALTHY I want to lay all my cards on the table and it would be awesome if everyone in my life was willing to do the same but there is a game being played by people who don't even know they are playing who are entangled in a chain of the past formed link by link that weighs them down but they are used to dragging it God to the point where they don't know any different and when they bang around the chain hits me sometimes on accident and sometimes on purpose and either way, it hurts help me to cope with the pain with the frustration about the fact that they don't even SEE the chains that they hurt me with and just give me your eyes God and your ears so I can perceive the situation as YOU perceive it and help me to be OK with not communicating because maybe it doesn't...

your arms that hold and comfort with strength and sincerity and love that conveys what your heart says with your mouth that confirms with words what you can't hide because your arms convey it first ~C

I am OK right now the way I am it is not tomorrow I will be good or when I complete this or when I do that I will be somebody you are somebody this very second divinely purposed an amazingly beautiful one and only YOU inspired and fully equipped through God to do every awesome thing you were created to accomplish in this life so dwell on the fact that what God completed in you He WILL finish and also that all things work to GOOD and that every little thing happens for a reason and God saw it all before it ever happened so what are you wiggin out for? isn't that all so comforting?? ~C

There is a way of seeing a newness born out of oldness when you don't limit yourself a renewed vision of something you thought you drove past but now you see it in a new light and because of where you are right now you become aware of the fact that you are not who you used to be and what you saw then is not what you see now even how you take everything in is different because you are not who you were then and your eyes perceive the same thing in a new way some things are more precious and appreciated some things clearly defined or rejected but not with drama either simply seen for what they are and accepted or not accepted and life goes on from a new platform you view your life forever seeing a new vision that will ultimately shift and change again and that is OK too something to look forward to knowing that we will always be changing and that the key to that is just to keep learning ~C

The lady was ranting and raving about the one thousand dollar hand bag going on and on about what an outrage that is and how the quality doesn't justify the price and really just how ridiculous it is.... and what I see is a spiritual porthole into what she is really ranting about the lie that is being bought into the injustice of worth placed in an inanimate object one that doesn't carry it's weight in value and one that will not last and God booms from the heavens YOU ARE THE VALUE it is not in anything you can buy or attain it is in your spirit and God's ability to live out of your spirit put the price tag on what really holds value your self worth is weighed down in riches galore and it overflows with the value that God has placed in you every possibility to express every good thing that God has for the world and you have precious ears to hear all that and precious eyes to see it and a heart that is sensitive to FEEL it too and hands and feet that can carry a messag...

The very core of me the part of me that is spirit is quiet and calm and serene but I can feel something outside forming and weighing but it doesn't make the core of me waver The heaviness is separate and being spiritually aware I know it is growing on me like a vine the kind that covers the top and steals the light but before it can close in I start ripping it off and I suck out the drama with a big turkey baster and I keep my freak meter in check no freaking out today that is what God does sorts the lies from the truth so the lies can be ditched so the truth can be formed into an invincible sword that slices and dices those vines and the weight is lifted your branches are free again and your calm spirit never wavered through any of it ~C

You have the light that they don't have because you are not them and even if the light that you have may not be the light they can see right now it is still light but not the kind of light that you can shine on them at least not right now right now it is harsh and hurts their eyes maybe later they can see it better but maybe not we were not all meant to shine on everyone your light was meant for you and if God needs you to share He has the power to dim your light so it can be seen or how to shine that light right through you at just the perfect angle that not only will it shine but send out a spectrum of rainbows that will open minds and hearts and only he knows when and only he knows how you were just meant to be open to that ~C

Everyone blossoming at their own pace in their time in God's time and there is no forcing it no running a race it's in their time in God's time no use forcing or grumbling about their slow pace in their time in God's time this isn't about you and the answers not in the chase it's in their time in God's time so relax in knowing in embracing what is in their time in God's time it will all come together with faith, patience is fierce in their time in God's time and the fruit from surrender will come down in tears in their time in God's time ~C

this intertwined mystery of life where my journey weaves into yours and everything is connected to everything else where coincidence is the norm because there is none only divine appointments where we seek to learn from every situation and every situation an opportunity to fly or fail every argument a chance to grow or wither every adversity and tragedy a golden opportunity to extract the living truth of how we were made broken to really live! So hand over your personal "choose your own adventure" book stop selecting your own way and give God the reigns can you really let go? and have faith and trust in his choices for your life can you let each day unfold like a new chapter filled with possibilities and mysteries God creates for you not for you to try and figure out but to learn and grow in to look for the hidden jewel of knowledge that belongs in each new clue (sometimes hidden in what appears to be a pile of junk) because if we surrender life becomes a Ferris wheel that...

The world is not what we see that is what is so tricky we get all hung up with what we can see with our own eyes but there is so much more going on that can only be seen in faith that can only be felt in the heart and confirmed with discernment and validated in ways that cannot be made touchable so that they are doubted and scrutinized but not for the ones who feel it and know in their heart of hearts you can try to wring it out of us or convince us otherwise but we know what we know we are convinced in divine circumstance and it is knitted in our hearts by seeing the love spread and it dwells in perfect timing and interconnectedness this bond that weaves out and reaches that touches and prunes and edifies and molds it pushes us to our best and quiets our deepest inner voice so we can hear so that we can know that we know that we know that God really does exist and is ALIVE and loving through us now ~C

We tend to limit our choices and cannot fathom that they are infinite that would overwhelm us so we focus on 2 options this or that door #1 or door #2 should we move or not move? have a baby or not have a baby? buy a boat or not buy a boat? and God watches us patiently watches how we weigh our own lives and choices and in a still small voice he asks "Did you want to ask me? I have door #3" ~C

God wants to strip away the titles " Oooooh but he is the CEO of the company, that's big" we congratulate ourselves on earth but God doesn't need titles to convey love titles do not define who you are You may be a wife or a mother a father, a husband but that is not WHO you are It is the relationship that matters not the title It is the essence of YOU who is YOU it is what YOU bring into the relationship that makes it significant it is all the specific qualities that make you unique it is God's perfect design his perfect blueprint of who he intended you to be that is YOU if you are tied to all of your titles then when you lose them who are you? Like untying a balloon it floats away into the clouds and leaves you wondering where your self worth just flew off to or like a boy scout with all those badges all that work to earn each one and then what if we take that away? so much invested in outside merit and God pleads for you to invest in your heart and in others to...

We bind ourselves we tie the knots that keep us bound and then forget we ever tied them or wonder at them but never try at loosening them we adapt to being tethered and we learn not to struggle struggling hurts or makes us feel uncomfortable or reminds us of the fact that we are bound and that just makes us feel sad so we move less become complacent and we adapt to our inner imaginary jail that we slowly bought into and invested in but that began as a simple little lie ~C

God is all about Quality and so am I my sister jokes that I am a food snob because I like those really baby carrots the ones that cost more but I swear they are sweeter and that I digest them better can't I just like them? But seriously no one likes stale crackers my Dad will eat them because he doesn't want to waste them but I bet you he is not loving them either my point is would you rather eat 2 fresh crackers or get a whole pack of stale ones? If you have a whole pantry teeming with food but most of it is out of date, or stale...you may have quantity but you don't have quality I want quality any day it is why I can barely eat at McDonalds anymore but my point is that God wants to give us a life chock full of QUALITY experiences but we usually go for the quantity so we feel like we are not missing out on anything so we fool ourselves into thinking we are really "living" life we see his quality not for what it is but as a lack of quantity and that is all we can...

I want to add (+) not take away (-) God is a lover of addition and satan loves subtraction if you are still and you listen you will be able to know who is in your head at any given time because their language is the same as their mission to build you up or tear you down who is speaking to you now?? a voice that adds and focuses on what you DO HAVE very grateful and thankful, focused on your blessings your strengths, your awesome fulfillment and trust in someone greater than you yeah, that's God a voice that tears you down and distracts says you are not measuring up that you don't have what it takes that maybe TOMORROW you might have something to offer but definitely not today that's the robbers voice the one who wants to steal from you take from you destroy you so tune in know who is speaking and if it isn't adding to your life then refuse to let it take away from it change the station even listen to static for a moment if you have to to clear your mind but then find G...

I always assumed all crabs had a hard shell at all times in their lives until recently where I came across a live crab at the beach and when I picked him up from the back I realized my finger was pressing into his soft shell it opened my mind to something new and then tonight you gave me a vision Lord you showed me how we are like a crab who needs the hard shell we feel like it "protects" us this false sense of security that only holds us back from your freedom and the best that you have for us Lord You need us to be the crab with the soft shell fully alive, yet vulnerable it is only when we can let go of trying to protect ourselves that you can fully live through us and protect us in a way that completely surrounds and envelopes us a kind of security that goes so deep that it oozes peace from the inside out those who hold on to their lives will lose it, you say God but those who surrender their lives are able to FULLY live the way you teach me is amazing Lord the way you sho...

There is no perfect woman for you no perfect man for me not without God There is no perfect house either a divine place to call home not if God doesn't live there too and there is no perfect job where you never get bored and daydream over your coffee of something better not unless you realize you really work for God no perfect kids no perfect friends no perfect relatives not without God He makes everything work to good we weren't meant to leave him out of it He is the missing link you always feel deep down when you don't include him His absence in your life is the void that you will fill with anything and distract yourself with everything to avoid but unless you include him it lurks there this empty gut feeling that something is missing and that feeling is needing to be fed if you feed it you forget for a second but it will never go not without God this void that will go if we simply ask him and then staying connected tuning in always including the guy who created us the On...

If we are grasping for things outside of ourselves for validation for comfort for confirmation that we are acceptable for a stream of consistency that never leaves us disappointed.... we will never find it the human condition does not allow it we are not capable and we weren't supposed to be everything to anyone no one person was meant to be everything to us Better to be happy on your own island the only other constant presence on your island is Jesus and other people can visit but maybe they won't maybe for some their island is hopping with guests and maybe for others it is mostly their immediate family but the point is.... you are OK if no one ever visits You are just fine drinking in the sunsets having Margaritas with God and listening to the waves of the ocean hitting the sand you are content with the awesome conversation and when you struggle God is right there with the perfect advice even carrying you down the shore to safety but mostly it is just a beautiful existence ...

Grandma how I miss you already, and your grand babies miss their Oma. They were so brave to go right up to the casket to see you one last time and for Skylar to say a prayer over your body left behind, at the age of 5, a prayer full of love that you can take to heaven with you, was so sweet and beautiful. I can hear you saying "I love you too hun" and "God bless you hun" in my mind as clear as day, and I pray that the ability to conjure up your voice in my mind always exists. I am so blessed to have had married into your family Grandma. To have been able to hear all of your inspiring and amazing stories. To witness your strength and stubborn will, that carried you through so much and always left you thriving and pressing on. I especially loved when you talked about Opa and how you joked and bonded with him always and I am so happy to know you get to do that again in heaven. I am also comforted to know you are with your own Oma, and especially that you are with Gr...