hard to hurt

please don't put me in an emotional straight jacket
don't tie me up with lies
don't dangle promises before me
like dead meat gathers flies

the silence speaks the volumes
that you don't
and the strange space between where we were and now are
grows

please don't box me in
a place where may be comfy for you
without considering me
it is cramped in here
and I need to breathe

I need sunshine
even rain
I'll even endure pain
just don't put me back in that box again

taking a step out side the lines
feels strange
like I am going out the window instead of the door
to another place
trying not to offend you
trying to find a way that will not hurt you
like I was hurt

it is not about who did what
it is about loving for the sake of loving
for doing for the sake of doing
for really thinking of and considering
how what I do effects you

I wish that all the choices I made
never hurt the ones I care about
could satisfy the masses
so that I wouldn't have to feel crappy
when I see your heart sink on the outside
though I realize that no answer can satisfy
someone that doesn't have answers for themselves yet
and yet I still want to give the right one
as impossible as that may be

I don't know how not to care
I don't know how not to feel
but I know God placed those things in me
meant as gifts
I just have to choose which way to see
and I will find a way to make peace
with where we are today
and not try to imagine a far off scenario
that may or may not be better
or worse than right now

Offering it up Lord
letting it go
YOU are the only one who knows
take this weary heart Lord
who tries to avoid the hard things sometimes
take this heart that cares and put it in your hands
and mold and shape and form it Lord
make it resemble your own
my heart is yours

~C


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