from the backseat I hear a little voice ask "Mommy what is your name?" It is so neat that he wonders this out of the blue... "Christie" I say "Oh, Christie, I like that name" "Thanks Bud, I like your name too!" "Daddy and I got to pick your name!" So for the first time this little man who is so grown up already says my name calls me something other than Mommy and the significance of that hangs in the air my baby becomes a boy in that moment. ~C
Sometimes I write what I want to be said to me what I'd like to hear what I imagine to be true what I need or desire from you Sometimes I daydream I wonder if I'll ever... I imagine my forever and it's nice to see it on paper even if it never comes true, with you And sometimes I sing sing the songs that remind me repeat the lyrics that tend to haunt me words conveying feelings that I have felt too, for you Sometimes I close my eyes and see you in my mind sleep and dream an adventure we may never have together but keep all the same close to my heart This concentration of my imagination, my voice, my pen that finds you... in everything ~C
You are a giant and you've scooped me up little ol ' me up into your giant laced fingers you've caught me like I would catch a butterfly or a lightning bug but unlike me & the critters I catch you've no intention of letting me go again I am a prize you want to keep even if we will never connect in the conventional ways even if the life you make with me will never make sense or feel complete always a disconnect... fear keeps you holding on control, makes you hold on to me against my will and selfishness it robs you why all the while you call it gain little ol ' me I was never meant to fulfill big ol ' you was never meant to entertain you & keep you company at the expense of losing a life of my own where someone can hold me and with my own size eyes, look into my soul where I can lay my head on his chest and where a same sized heart is beating, softly evenly, for me YOUR heart is a massive drum! it keeps me awake it overwhelms the room like an earth quake.
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