Sunday, October 16

now and then and what will be

This time in life
where I look back in appreciation of my youth
and where I do not yet feel old
where I notice wrinkles
where I can not stay up as late as I used to
or sit on the floor and scrap book all night
a place where I find myself starting over
from the middle
and you know your life isn't even half lived
but innocence is so far away now
and the cards are on the table
you are aware of loss
and of hurt
and of pain
you are aware that your life will not be a fairy tale
but you are free of that now too,
that belief that kept leaving you shocked and disappointed
you can move forward and expect the unconventional best
the unknown can be scary
and yet fascinating, satisfying
not your dream, but God's dream for you
the more I let go
the more I can trust God
the more I embrace the adventure
and make peace with the struggle that came with being in a better place
the better I feel
the better I am
and the future instead of daunting
is teaching me that it is amazing
and mostly
because it is a surprise

~C

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