No Muse

I don't want to be your muse

only an inspiration

something shiny

that you take from your pocket

to look over

time to time

and I do not want to feel dusty

because I have been tucked away

or humored

so that I will stay

to be a convenience

to feel kept

is to feel caged

even titles

cannot assure anything

signatures mean nothing

jaded by loss

and trust loss in the faltering

part of me in ruins

waiting

for something I cannot identify

hoping

for something

I've never known

this flesh pulls at me

when I am not looking

it mocks me

when there are no clear answers

and the water is murky

where is the bottom?

How far down?

I sit by the edge of the water

and I will the water to clear

I narrow my stare

as if that will do it

a deep part of me wanting to take charge

of something organic

control something

wild and vague

for if just a moment

so I can feel what it is

to have it in my hands

and then what?

and then what....

the constant of shift and change

the illusive ways of love

and of what it is that I think I want

but what I may never know

to belong

to intend

to mean it

would make me sigh

but a muse

I am not

pursue me with intention

or not at all

~C