waiting to understand

Tragic things happen things that test our faith things that just seem so random and heartbreaking but instead of doubting God in these situations we need to remember God is the love and the hope that rushes into that situation He is not the situation nor did He create it we will have to ask Him one day why He allowed it but that is where trust comes in we try to makes sense of everything through our human perspective we crave justice and yet we flirt with disaster and above all we find it almost impossible to give up control if it doesn't make sense, then it must not make sense we are more comfortable with playing God then we are with letting God be God and trusting that He is all knowing that His intentions are awesome that His love for us supersedes any kind of love we could create or experience His ways are above our ways His thought are above our thoughts this is a GOD of the UNIVERSE people! we can never comprehend the dynamic going on the intricate inner workings of a plan t...

I went to "soak" for the first time simply meaning I went to someones home with some other people and they played music and we all rested and listened to what God had to say to us then after we shared this is what God said to me.... You know how you can be with someone and be so content with them, so understood by them, that you do not need words? This is where I want you to be with me. This is the level of contentment I want you to feel and convey in your life. No need to say anything, and if I give you something to impart you will know. Remember the love relationship. Dwell on the way that I love you best. I love you perfectly. Come and rest with me. Let me look into your eyes and convey my love and my understanding, my compassion and my knowing, all within a look. Looking into you, and at you. You make me happy my love! (that part made me cry!) I will always want to hold your hand I will always receive your embrace and I will always be reaching out to you. You don't ha...

I tried to change I got rid of clutter I lost weight I tried to think of ways to make myself more attractive of ways to make him love me until I realized I can only control myself and did I really want someone to love me, because I MADE them? or tricked them? or convinced them? The true brand of love that sticks is one based on free will where someone willingly chooses to love you where they choose to stay because they want to God knew exactly what this meant He will not put you in a cage He will not twist your arm and although He runs after you and could easily catch you He will never force you to go with Him He is patient and kind He is gentle and compassionate He wants the very best for you but He will not MAKE you do anything He encourages you He loves you and He waits He waits and waits and waits.... and when you finally collapse in His arms He sighs a huge sigh Oh how He missed holding you and there is no guilt in that embrace He will not chastise you and if He knows that you wil...

there are so many elements that make a good fire A fire that will catch, and successfully burn If you have newspaper, but you don't have kindling it just doesn't create a high enough temperature to sustain enough heat.... and you could put a ton of newspaper in there but it is just a temporary burn the fire will consistently burn out before it can get the wood burning.... do you see the spiritual analogy yet??? So I think we search for ways to motivate ourselves spiritually WE SEARCH FOR WAYS see the problem? and all these ways, they lead to the temporary burn, that temporary high that brings us close to the Lord in that moment but then we leave Him where we found Him when we leave that moment but He wants to be with us always He wants to light you from within with all the right elements He wants to ignite you so that you burn the fruits of His spirit LOVE JOY PEACE FORBEARANCE KINDNESS GOODNESS FAITHFULNESS GENTLENESS SELF-CONTROL because if your life is producing these qualit...

you have no idea how much Mommy loves you because no matter how many times I tell you, within your lifetime (even if it is million-kazillion times) it could never convey what I feel in my heart when I look at you smile or hear you say my Mommy name Oh how I love you! ~C

resisting a change caught off guard feeling completely unprepared to face the opposite of my dreams the one thing unwanted.... why does it seem that the worst we can think of, the thing we DO NOT want comes after us? Do we know before hand? on some very intimate level? and if you have no deep fears then can they not follow you? ~C

the avocado seed sits in the window in a small dish of water suspended by toothpicks and from the top you can not tell it is growing but if you lift it out of the water and turn it over it has a strong root and the seed has split in this v-like shape from below but like I said from the top you cannot even tell that it is growing... it is an awesome analogy for me right now I feel like I am growing in a way and working through something that you can not yet see the results of YET ~C

honestly, I couldn't even go there if I did, I risked shattering emotionally into a thousand million pieces so I stayed semi-numb and in vague denial until I couldn't avoid it anymore until the truth was so clear that I couldn't breathe until I had to put the car over because my legs went to rubber and I couldn't feel the pedals it is like suddenly not knowing which way is up the moment you realize that reality cannot be avoided any more but I did not shatter I cried and my heart sunk to my very feet and my whole life flashed before my eyes but I did not shatter I did not shatter and the surprise of that is what gave me just enough hope to will myself to take just one more step and then one more step toward a new unknown life and even though fear and loss crippled me making it nearly impossible to drag my feet forward I was able to to get there (whether I wanted to go there or not) I was facing the horror of my life dead in the eye and I did not die ~C

you are... accepted loved cherished appreciated beautiful wonderful delightful purposed inspiring fruitful sweet valued important special irreplaceable perfect just the way you are! ~C

closed out of business unavailable nothing to give vacant lacking hurting lost despondent blank unwilling unknowing searching dehydrated eyes closed shut off under construction careful falling rocks! ~C

where I have the choice to say something but I don't have to where I can hear myself think or where I do not have to think at all and then it gets really quiet there within the quiet I can look within and see what is going on with me in the silence God speaks and I can hear him helping me loving me encouraging me urging me to do His will inviting me on the adventure He wants to have with me ~C

Have you noticed lately how so many songs have come out telling you how beautiful you are? All radio stations too not just Christian Don't you know that it is God loving on you? through these writers these singers passing over air waves and speaking right to your heart because we all want to hear it we all are seeking to feel special accepted LOVED and appreciated in this life seeking out someone to tell us so and God is saying what you need to hear CONSTANTLY ~C

We are all flawed we will never achieve perfection say it with me "I will never achieve perfection" doesn't that kind of take a load off? (exhale deeply) I think we all are subconsciously striving for that hard on ourselves picking at ourselves IF ONLY we say If I just had this or didn't have that physically, materially, mentally, spiritually.... and we do it with other people too If I could combine her compassion with that other girls sense of style and yet another girls awesome looks she would be the perfect girlfriend.... but here is the thing we are all flawed for a reason! every one of us! So we need to stop daydreaming of creation we were created to be exactly who we are the way we are can we just try to relax in that? Just accept ourselves Just BE? Why is it so hard? God designed you for a distinct purpose you are the hand maybe I am the foot yet another person is the elbow or maybe we are each just one of the nerve endings! our purpose is very specific and we ...

time time time s l o w and d r a w n o u t by design the more that happens the more you learn that you WILL get through more chaos? you emerge more mellow even if it makes you worse first even if you don't see the way out at the time life is about holding on about learning if you are willing about listening to people much wiser than you and there is nothing more precious than friendship unwarranted that is offered despite who you are and love that never came at a cost and being loved as YOU ~C

you broke your sisters bed tonight tried to hang from the headboard and snap & there is red sharpie written across the side of my white upholstered bed & a star burst in the flat screen TV where you threw a nice shooter marble & orange and blue nail polish on the doorway mouldings and I will admit I thought "go gators!" before I got the nail polish remover and had you help me rub it off & scribblings on walls and every time I ask "what is the only thing we right on?" you always score an A on your answer "paper" & then there is the mystery sink incident a crack running 3 ways into the porcelain I did not see you do it but you have a way of "rearranging things" now don't you? but gosh we'll get through this & I love you kid :) ~C

my feelings lost in translation sometimes I even go blank from the pressure of saying something interesting something important it hovers over me and I choke on it the silence is forever now you have had nothing to say for years why do I try to work with that? why can't I just let go? just BE really truly surrender completely.... I have tried not to care but I am a care bear it is unnatural and it isn't uncaring that I am aiming for it is confidence confidence in God in me PEACE in not having to talk or anything and patience, with the process every new day brings NEWNESS I am not being redundant I am emphasizing you open your eyes to a brand new day and maybe you don't even get a glimpse of yesterday yea! He has a portion for NOW not then and not when.... so stay awake so hold on so breathe deep the contractions of life pass too and there will be a day that you cannot remember your pain a day filled with HOPE your mind renewed ~C

the same size as me her yarn red hair her stitched black eyes and her big red heart the parts of her that I remember the most when I slept I would straddle her, the feel of her fabric skin memorized by little finger tips my stuffed friend who sat by silently watching my life go by and now she is under my daughters bed silently wondering where the love went ~C

defensive why? because you fear why? because of the loss... you can't stand to lose anymore you are not sure what would be left of you then but no need to defend surrender more trust more trust God has it all under control everything is as it should be everything is going according to plan don't doubt or sulk or wallow where you know no one will find you that is nonconstructive and it is hiding share without dumping be, without feeling you have to say anything float around and smell like marshmallows and convey love and smile, even if it hurts, smile. ~C

thrown away discarded not needed unimportant not wanted insignificant turned away from left abandoned rejected changed my mind dejected love lost diminished luster gone goodbye moving on ~C

If I could carry some of the baggage you have don't you know I would? to see you carry it all on your own.... I am helpless & hurting watching you watching you becoming fatigued suffering straggling behind disoriented and confused but God told me a long time ago that He is the only one that truly saves that I was just in the way... and I believe Him so I do what I can I lift you up in prayer I help where I can I love you Dear ~C

ten thousand cries that sound like lies creep up from within your wounded soul they call to remind you they shout to distract and they are relentless to keep you off track from whispers to screaming it is altogether dreaming a nightmare never intended for you spiritual reality is knocking trying to wake you redirect you are you listening through? isolate the life line seek out the voice of life that never sleeps that is always awake pursuing you with rope to pull you out if only you would look up ~C

how divine the timing that you are UP when I am DOWN and when you are DOWN then I am UP God's perfect timing so we can lift each other, chin up! we remind the other of our identity and slap us out of it in love to walk us through it in the word and always speak the truth in love because true friendship isn't saying the easy things but the things that will challenge us to stay connected to God because we know that only when we walk with Him can true friendship stay ~C

the windows to your soul do darken every time you speak of her as if you are somehow overtaken by something other than God and like gray clouds passing over the moon there is warning there that needs heeding my prayer for forgiveness that renews your heart cheerful curtains of light blowing in the breeze dressing up your windows with love ~C

When you love someone you are loving yourself then couldn't it be said that when you hate someone you are hating yourself? for the self loathing you feel is conveyed in your mean language your demeanor that lashes out and the hurt you inflict is not of God you are choosing not to acknowledge Him within you overriding what He would have you do because you are so consumed with YOU Love is love and hate is hate which do you choose for yourself? how powerful, to really love and gift yourself pay it forward with word and deed and consciously choose to be good to you and deny the flesh that says "hate!" ~C

never meant to be collectors of personal information to use against and to judge never meant to compare or measure against to covet after never meant to hurt or hinder but to lift up and encourage to cheer on to cry with to carry in your heart inside your very chest to love as yourself to love as yourself to love as yourself be good to you ~C

Like any sport the more you practice the better you get at it and spiritually too I think we can exercise our relationship with God so we hear from him more so we can move faster and act on what He gives us quicker God tells us to hold each thought captive and at first it feels like a thousand tennis balls flying at us trying to sort out our thoughts trying to catch one or "return" one but the more we try the easier it becomes and then we think WOW that thought sure wasn't of God and we pray for protection over our minds we pray protection from the enemy who would love to convince us that we are weak and stupid and worthless and we remind that guy who our Daddy is we remind him that that same power lives within us! and then another thought comes and another but it becomes easier and we have to pray for protection less we have more Godly thoughts and less enemy thoughts we are training our mind we are spiritually AWARE now and it becomes easier and easier more and more eff...

you just packed up another box another? really? it is not going to fit up there there is too much up there already too many boxes you've avoided forever crammed into a space that won't hold anymore so guess you are going to have to deal guess you are going to have to face all those hard things you've been putting off guess you are going to have to do the work to sort through, and dust off it is hard to look it all in the eye all those hardships and mistakes all those hurts and pains all that rejection and loss but what is awesome is that you are not in it alone what is awesome, is that God wants to go through it with you and He will go at your pace and He will help you see it through and He knows it will not be easy and that some of it will cripple you in the moment but you'll get through and you'll be so much better off for shining light into your attic and going through the boxes you've made to store your wounds sorting, so you can keep the valuable lessons le...

We were meant to love from the inside out God says love they neighbor as thy self to do that, we have to be able to love ourselves and frankly most of us do not. :( but if we could... If we could truly live out of our identity in Christ... it would look like an atom bomb imploding from within and sending a shockwave out If we let God fill our cup and our cup is overflowing first then when we leave the house and mingle with the world we aren't needy we aren't searching or distracted we aren't taking & hoarding anything or consumed with our insecurities or distracted by our shortcomings.... instead we are focused on what God wants us to be focused on we can really GIVE we can really receive we can really reach out and be His hands and His feet the shock wave is way more effective because we are no longer in the way of God's greatness and there is nothing to hold back the amazing love He has to give THROUGH us. ~C

When we are good to other people we are being good to ourselves we are ensuring that the ripple effect that begins with us will go out with love we underestimate how we effect each other how what you choose to do or what we do not choose to do is not only about us If we stay in a place that keeps us from making ripples (the RIGHT kind of ripples in this world) then we will never benefit from the amazing results that come when we step out and then we step up and we give of ourselves and love on others and then truly feel the effects of how we were designed to be IN RELATIONSHIP reaching out a hand to help someone up hugging them through their loss encouraging them with God's word or just listening and praying for them we were meant to play not sit on the sidelines and we were meant to believe so that we can be empowered through our identity in Christ to do awesome things in the short time we grace this earth Do not doubt your worth think about the movie "It's a wonderful li...

"Awwww, look at that poor old man, he is limping, he must have a hurt leg." and from the back seat a little voice says simply "Jesus, you heal him and fix his leg..." and then with so much sincere joy "Thank you Jesus!" the tears well up in my eyes with the wonder and the awe of this almost 4 year old with a little heart so connected so understanding already! lovely, just lovely.... ~C

The in between space where I sit and I wait where I pray and I hope where I see what I know and do not focus on what is seen my eyes they deceive me the lies they retrieve the flesh from the dead they dance and they prance the object to distract me from God's promises and hope His blessings His best for me so whisper all day and I will tune you out nag and betray but I will find you out integrity is for you haven't you figured that out? when you lie down your head your heart wants to shout wants to purge all the things that don't jive with the King so your torn inside out left to doubt where you stand who you are and especially what you are about so choose wisely tread softly through this earth it is not what it seems more like fairies and strings things heavenly not seen and the other, that tangles everything builds upon everything else so a small choice can block something amazing take your blinders off open your horizons see all you were meant to and look past the distra...

Thinking about you and collecting memories like fireflies and putting them in my heart instead of a jar to keep for always the memories of you famous for your biscuits and gravy breakfast establishing a " Milby tradition" before I was ever on the scene first time I had ever eaten it you had to explain what lard was and nothing compares since I can hear you laughing telling me "Christie, you're such a good sport Honey" when Charles drives me back from the snipe hunt or swinging on the porch with me A night at the cabin so black we can not see each other so I concentrate on your accent on your story-telling I can hear your voice in my head even now no one can say"Bless your heart" without me thinking of you I love how God put such a feisty spirit in such a faithful body I love the contrast of you I adopted you for my own Grandma blessed by you, long before I was officially family and you were so easy to love so encouraging and sweet to me I will miss ...

heart on my sleeve I am sad now I am happy but it is no indication of my true heart that beats within my chest that is fueled by spirit thats rhythm calls your name that is fueled by the blood that you shed so I could really live ~C

where do you spend your time where do you dwell where do you tie up your energy well? do you ponder His goodness do you wonder in awe at the blessings He's given at the awesomeness of it all? or do you mull over the misfortune and doubt why you are here do you curse your existence and face life in fear? invest your time wisely fight for your rest and take your time finding out what He meant for your best! time is fleeting power is in prayer and lost in wandering hold fast to the optimism He planted in your heart hold tight to the promises as if they were some kind of chart that will take you transcend you through space and time to a place where you can handle anything because of your perspective of mind! ~C

You are being ugly saying things you may later wish you could retract and I could let you hurt me let scars form from your lack of tact but I won't and I will choose to put on my compassion glasses so I can see the "hurt you" inside the "mean you" the hurting within that lashes out and wants to infect I can see past all of that deep deep down where your wound is festering where it does not heal because you do not let it maybe you don't know how so I see into that place and I pray for you I see past the harshness of you into the wounds of you so I can pray for you and I am not offended just thankful that I can see you as God intended ~C

Ouch that hurt that thing you said and I went into my room and climbed into bed and I cried in my pillow and I boo- hooed all sad but then before too long out to confront the lie before it grew I went out to talk to you and you listened you apologized you hugged me with a sorry and it was resolved before it ever got too out of hand God you have such a way of reeling me back in ~C

My relationship with you like that sweater that hugs me nicely that suits my taste keeps me warm too but then.... I notice it is itchy probably 10% wool but suddenly it feels like 50% fast and no matter how good it seems I have to take it off and I cannot justify all those other things.... God's voice overrides the temporary pleasures that we find in the places we were not meant to stay in ~C

"good night" (pause) "good night" "that is one for Jesus, and one for you Mom" ~Skylar Mckenna Milby (5 & 1/2 years old)

Flesh says "I hate him" and God within you cries out "I forgave you, so forgive him" Flesh says "He hurt me shut him out!" and God softly whispers " Vengeance is mine, do not harden your heart sweet one" Flesh says "I can't do it anymore!" and God smiles and says "you are right YOU cannot, but EVERYTHING I can do in you as you!" Flesh says "I do not have what it takes, I'll never measure up" and God brims with tears as he looks you in the eyes and says "You precious precious child, you have no idea how very valuable you are to me!" Flesh says "There is nothing to live for!" and God laughs a little as He says "Everything shines with the hope I have in you my child!" Flesh says "I just give up, I'll stop trying already, I will never conquer my demons" and God simply says "Lies will keep you there dear one, but My truth shall set you free, only believe!" Fle...

(Of all the analogies for my walk with you you choose shaven legs....HA!) You know I like when they are I don't feel stubble against clean sheets then When my legs are smooth I don't feel a thing but comfy and clean but just a few days and I can feel a difference I feel the awareness remind me to take the steps to get back to the place where I am perfectly comfortable again (In you AS you Lord!) ( your word, your voice, your embrace) ~C

His ways are above our ways and I see this as God being my Dad in hiking boots towering above me because I am his little child and He holds a map and He is looking ahead as if determining which way WE should go.... and I am too little to see the map and somehow I know that even if I could see it that it would just be a bunch of lines to me a lot of colorful pictures that I cannot understand with my limited thinking my child's view of things.... but that is the point God has the map and HE knows and not only did He design the map he is holding He designed it just for me He mapped out the way for me to succeed long before I even needed it long before I even looked to Him to take me where I need to go It isn't my place to doubt Him or to climb His leg so that I can get a good look at my map that I cannot even decipher and it isn't cool to wring my hands and wonder if He even knows what He is doing He is my personal guide the One who designed the mountains the One who placed e...

The river that runs that sweeps you quickly down that sings against rocks that gurgles and never ever stops in the day it rages at night by moonlight on and on and forever can be counted on to do what rivers do to go where rivers will go to forge new ways if it sees fit and yet we cannot predict it a life of it's own with purpose so strong beaconing to you to hop on an inner tube and ride with it, "just jump on in!" ~C

No rulers to slap your knuckles bloody no belt to make you reform He convicts with love in a voice of compassion He shows you with revelation the pages that are torn no time outs that leave you crying with painful separation and isolation He comes to you quickly pricks the heart of the willing reminds us of His truth the stuff that gets MINDS renewed! no expulsion or dismissal you cannot be rejected no matter how rebellious or how far you run He's one step behind you you hide and He'll find you not to scorn Oh no but to hold you. ~C

Out of touch a slow pulling away that sneaks up that creeks as you tip toe away an awareness that's haunting an unspecific calling voice in the depths of your gut as you choose to turn away more persistent is the aching with a dull unspecific shaking that does not allow you to ignore so you turn in to face it and ask God to name it so you can once again feel His hand in yours A need for his still small voice a yearning for the fellowship a familiar embrace missed from the moment you were set adrift He wants you back always and He will get your attention in creative ways just stay spiritually aware, awake! He won't let you get too off track without making you aware that you are off track you know something is off and you come running back into those huge open arms of Love back into Grace abounding back into the light that refines and teaches as you sit at His feet in waiting. ~C

We want to feel justified in our actions, and in our choices but GOD is our justice the justice is his and hidden in it is the TRUTH He knows the truth, YOU know the truth, and it is all good! You do not have to defend yourself. Let him work it out, let HIM present this revelation to others even if it takes years to open someones eyes to your truth there will be purpose in it because it is HIS perfect timing! It all goes back to trust If you trust in his justice, that He is working all things to good If you trust that he has got your back If you trust that he knows exactly what he is doing then you will not feel the need, to go on and on about how you did not do it about how you did not mean it that way He knows your heart He knows their heart and HE will untangle everything! He does not need your help either....there is another jab to our pride! You just have to release the situation to Him and Trust that he's got it Let go my friend do not defend so much power in the surrender so...

Let me be the one to speak your truth I am willing to talk it , I am able Let me be the one to walk your talk I am willing to walk it, I am able Let me be the one to comfort, to cheer on I am willing to hug, to cheer, and I am able Let me be the one to give a leg up closer to you I am willing to lift them, I am able Let me be the one to pray it out with love I am willing to pray, I am able Let me be the one to be quiet when they need to talk I am willing to listen, I am able Let me be the one to convey what you would convey, to speak what you would speak, to love how you would love, to smile into the hearts of the hurting, to hold someone like you do when they are breaking, to lift someone up like you do in their sorrow to encourage them on their own journey like you love to, and to speak your truth over and over again until your revelation kicks in and meets with perfect timing to mend to renew and to transform! these individual precious lives each life weighing the same in your arms ...

Went to see a speaker tonight and he talked about how there is this spiritual buffet before us. We are so tempted to eat from all of it and stuff ourselves but instead we really should selectively choose just 2 or 3 things to eat because those suit us the best because we were designed to eat of specific things like a secret antidote that makes us invisible so we can truly walk with the Holy Spirit! I think sometimes in our lives we want the best of everything, we don't want to miss out on anything so we let our greedy soul hoard all we can carry but we were designed to excel in very specific ways we were all designed without a carbon copy we weren't meant or built to indulge in all the world has to offer nor were we designed to excel in every single spiritual gift they are offered up but with some we soar and with others we putter and rather than trying at everything and just doing OK He meant for us to focus on the strengths he planted within us He meant for us to grow in the...

fall back and I'll catch you watch and I'll amaze you believe and I'll prove it ask and I'll do it start and I'll walk with you every step it takes to the finish holding your hand ~C

Up up in the plane you go a new perspective from such a height butterflies and chills as you survey how far the fall is and the pack on your back a false sense of protection compared to your trust in God you're a fish out of water up here but you weren't meant to stay in the windy loud plane the whole experience requires much more of you because nothing is activated without the leap of faith! ~C

hope amidst pain like a burning flame like a banner high in a midnight sky you hear the flap and the wind as it snaps but it goes unseen blackness thick and haunting but the something is heard and felt with the heart as you wait for the morning to reveal an answer ~C

jelly fish strings tangled and burning around my heart painful with the clinging painful with the cutting and removing painful in the void and the attachment both so I am still and I wait to see what happens in the still small time between the sting and the nothing ~C

you may not believe in me or have the courage to but I know someone who does someone who never wavers who doesn't have doubts someone who loves me no matter what who cheers me on who wants me to win who schedules divine appointments to ensure my success who runs and runs to catch me if ever should I fall who wants to always be near me who delights if I return His calls yep, His name is Jesus He'll love me through and through and the very same Jesus is here wanting to love on YOU ~C

please don't put me in an emotional straight jacket don't tie me up with lies don't dangle promises before me like dead meat gathers flies the silence speaks the volumes that you don't and the strange space between where we were and now are grows please don't box me in a place where may be comfy for you without considering me it is cramped in here and I need to breathe I need sunshine even rain I'll even endure pain just don't put me back in that box again taking a step out side the lines feels strange like I am going out the window instead of the door to another place trying not to offend you trying to find a way that will not hurt you like I was hurt it is not about who did what it is about loving for the sake of loving for doing for the sake of doing for really thinking of and considering how what I do effects you I wish that all the choices I made never hurt the ones I care about could satisfy the masses so that I wouldn't have to feel crappy when I ...

If I avoid saying it does that make it any less true? and if you say it but then you don't pursue it is that true either? drawing out time may suit us for awhile but sometimes it feels like a slow death is time ever squandered if God can work with anything? It is as it should be but still hard as you are part of me My main concern is to treat others the same way I want them to treat me and for some reason I am still learning to treat ME like I want to treat ME Life is like a large set of stairs and sometimes when you are weary just looking at the endless steps makes you wonder if you will make it and other times God gives you all the energy in the world to fly up them and tonight I feel daunted with one new step a step away ~C

A cheater cheats himself A hater hates himself A player plays himself A lier lies to himself A doubter doubts himself A tease teases himself A manipulator manipulates himself A worrier worries himself and A hoper hopes A lover loves A peacemaker brings peace A patient person breeds patience A faithful one has faith A calm person brings calm because A reflection is a powerful thing an unmistakeable boomerang what we put out is what comes right back an amazing reason to stay on track with God's original plan for our lives instead of embracing so many lies His best never wavers His truth is what was and what IS what will BE so why fight that with a big human tantrum instead give your hand to him walk in peace think in peace go in peace ~C

Each of my friends is like a patch, colorful or subtle worn out or vibrant torn or soft relaxed or cozy.... and God weaves them all together and brings support and encouragement from them laughter and love through them challenges and adversities too but the sum of them forms a blanket that comforts me in all the hard times I am going through ~C

somewhere in between that leads to deciding wedged in a place at an angle that is causing my leg to fall asleep where my butt doesn't quite fit the seat when my equilibrium is outta whack the world seems upside down disenchanted disheartened and I wonder if it is just the state I am in or if the state I am normally in is keeping me from all that cooked spaghetti has all the flexibility and uncooked has none life was not meant to be lived in those extremes and I reminded of this when I eat Italian ~C

If you hide from yourself then you hide from others and we don't have to air all the dirty laundry but we also don't have to lurk in the shadows to present a polished presentation is to construct high scaffolding to fall from to crochet an elaborate lie is to lie to your very heart one intricate loop at a time everything we could ever do to others we have already done to ourselves the betrayal you feel and embrace becomes the loss that hounds you and seeks you when you are crying out to God The devil is always there to present the easier way to run from it, or throw yourself in it whatever faster way to get in deeper the way that was formed with cheap materials made up of parts that corrode quickly that peels paint to expose what it is really made of I got it cheap and I got it now (right when I wanted it) but it won't last it wasn't made to ~C

remove trying from your vocabulary trying is not doing trying is a word that buys time so you can keep NOT doing and doing is an action word if you cannot walk the talk and you can only talk it then it is HALF the testimony isn't it? Declare success over your life say what you know shout about who you already are in God embrace the fact that you have arrived you aren't trying to live you live you aren't trying to love you love you aren't trying to become you are Be forgiving of the process of emotion while you process the adversity while you fail at anything and prepare for the struggle while you aren't struggling so you can say, I knew I'd be here and I know I'll get through this with God and I know I will get out too and I was prepared I was sent into it trained to expect disorientation in situations that are foreign to me but it isn't even about my perception of those things not even the bullets flying God is looking out knowing before I know perceivi...

The more you compartmentalize these spaces in your soul and serve them accordingly the more masters you create the more mouths you have to feed how exhausting to pivot endlessly from one shady place to another sorting out choices that do not define you choices that keep you running that turn the mirror away so you are never facing what needs to be SEEN seen for what it is and identified as : of the world and heard, KNOWING that flesh is speaking saying what you need to hear to encourage you or condemning you to keep you there in that insane cycle that binds and distorts your every move EXPOSE yourself! Let all of you be KNOWN for what you are let them see what God sees you cannot hide it anyway and if you think you can it just adds to your struggle slash the ties that bind true peace is having the freedom to make awesome choices that FEED your spirit not freedom to steal from it not freedom to do things that haunt you and claw at you not freedom to prolong God's best for your life ...

I used to get so hyped up if a situation developed like a grey cloud slowly forming I could feel it until that cloud swelled with rain until it just couldn't hold on any longer and then it fell I would work myself into a grey place and fitfully process the emotions that mirrored the color and then there was drama born all wet with all that rain I don't have a lot of drama in my life now It was a slow process of weeding out a conscious effort a new approach a renewed mind but I got here and now I can see the cloud trying to form way far off in the distance I can feel the clouds collecting trying to bring about something unedifying I see it way in advance and I am prepared and I dwell on the truth and I know that the cloud is not what it seems that the cloud is not a cloud at all but a lot of unexpressed emotion a lot of not knowing where you are or what you want and so how can you really tell me? and that would make me feel frustrated too So the grey is not literal meant to sca...

God YOU know you know my thoughts my struggles what is black and what is white I don't have to sort that out or struggle to know for myself and that is a good thing I can just default to you I just want HEALTHY I want to lay all my cards on the table and it would be awesome if everyone in my life was willing to do the same but there is a game being played by people who don't even know they are playing who are entangled in a chain of the past formed link by link that weighs them down but they are used to dragging it God to the point where they don't know any different and when they bang around the chain hits me sometimes on accident and sometimes on purpose and either way, it hurts help me to cope with the pain with the frustration about the fact that they don't even SEE the chains that they hurt me with and just give me your eyes God and your ears so I can perceive the situation as YOU perceive it and help me to be OK with not communicating because maybe it doesn't...

your arms that hold and comfort with strength and sincerity and love that conveys what your heart says with your mouth that confirms with words what you can't hide because your arms convey it first ~C

I am OK right now the way I am it is not tomorrow I will be good or when I complete this or when I do that I will be somebody you are somebody this very second divinely purposed an amazingly beautiful one and only YOU inspired and fully equipped through God to do every awesome thing you were created to accomplish in this life so dwell on the fact that what God completed in you He WILL finish and also that all things work to GOOD and that every little thing happens for a reason and God saw it all before it ever happened so what are you wiggin out for? isn't that all so comforting?? ~C

There is a way of seeing a newness born out of oldness when you don't limit yourself a renewed vision of something you thought you drove past but now you see it in a new light and because of where you are right now you become aware of the fact that you are not who you used to be and what you saw then is not what you see now even how you take everything in is different because you are not who you were then and your eyes perceive the same thing in a new way some things are more precious and appreciated some things clearly defined or rejected but not with drama either simply seen for what they are and accepted or not accepted and life goes on from a new platform you view your life forever seeing a new vision that will ultimately shift and change again and that is OK too something to look forward to knowing that we will always be changing and that the key to that is just to keep learning ~C

The lady was ranting and raving about the one thousand dollar hand bag going on and on about what an outrage that is and how the quality doesn't justify the price and really just how ridiculous it is.... and what I see is a spiritual porthole into what she is really ranting about the lie that is being bought into the injustice of worth placed in an inanimate object one that doesn't carry it's weight in value and one that will not last and God booms from the heavens YOU ARE THE VALUE it is not in anything you can buy or attain it is in your spirit and God's ability to live out of your spirit put the price tag on what really holds value your self worth is weighed down in riches galore and it overflows with the value that God has placed in you every possibility to express every good thing that God has for the world and you have precious ears to hear all that and precious eyes to see it and a heart that is sensitive to FEEL it too and hands and feet that can carry a messag...

The very core of me the part of me that is spirit is quiet and calm and serene but I can feel something outside forming and weighing but it doesn't make the core of me waver The heaviness is separate and being spiritually aware I know it is growing on me like a vine the kind that covers the top and steals the light but before it can close in I start ripping it off and I suck out the drama with a big turkey baster and I keep my freak meter in check no freaking out today that is what God does sorts the lies from the truth so the lies can be ditched so the truth can be formed into an invincible sword that slices and dices those vines and the weight is lifted your branches are free again and your calm spirit never wavered through any of it ~C

You have the light that they don't have because you are not them and even if the light that you have may not be the light they can see right now it is still light but not the kind of light that you can shine on them at least not right now right now it is harsh and hurts their eyes maybe later they can see it better but maybe not we were not all meant to shine on everyone your light was meant for you and if God needs you to share He has the power to dim your light so it can be seen or how to shine that light right through you at just the perfect angle that not only will it shine but send out a spectrum of rainbows that will open minds and hearts and only he knows when and only he knows how you were just meant to be open to that ~C

Everyone blossoming at their own pace in their time in God's time and there is no forcing it no running a race it's in their time in God's time no use forcing or grumbling about their slow pace in their time in God's time this isn't about you and the answers not in the chase it's in their time in God's time so relax in knowing in embracing what is in their time in God's time it will all come together with faith, patience is fierce in their time in God's time and the fruit from surrender will come down in tears in their time in God's time ~C

this intertwined mystery of life where my journey weaves into yours and everything is connected to everything else where coincidence is the norm because there is none only divine appointments where we seek to learn from every situation and every situation an opportunity to fly or fail every argument a chance to grow or wither every adversity and tragedy a golden opportunity to extract the living truth of how we were made broken to really live! So hand over your personal "choose your own adventure" book stop selecting your own way and give God the reigns can you really let go? and have faith and trust in his choices for your life can you let each day unfold like a new chapter filled with possibilities and mysteries God creates for you not for you to try and figure out but to learn and grow in to look for the hidden jewel of knowledge that belongs in each new clue (sometimes hidden in what appears to be a pile of junk) because if we surrender life becomes a Ferris wheel that...

The world is not what we see that is what is so tricky we get all hung up with what we can see with our own eyes but there is so much more going on that can only be seen in faith that can only be felt in the heart and confirmed with discernment and validated in ways that cannot be made touchable so that they are doubted and scrutinized but not for the ones who feel it and know in their heart of hearts you can try to wring it out of us or convince us otherwise but we know what we know we are convinced in divine circumstance and it is knitted in our hearts by seeing the love spread and it dwells in perfect timing and interconnectedness this bond that weaves out and reaches that touches and prunes and edifies and molds it pushes us to our best and quiets our deepest inner voice so we can hear so that we can know that we know that we know that God really does exist and is ALIVE and loving through us now ~C

We tend to limit our choices and cannot fathom that they are infinite that would overwhelm us so we focus on 2 options this or that door #1 or door #2 should we move or not move? have a baby or not have a baby? buy a boat or not buy a boat? and God watches us patiently watches how we weigh our own lives and choices and in a still small voice he asks "Did you want to ask me? I have door #3" ~C

God wants to strip away the titles " Oooooh but he is the CEO of the company, that's big" we congratulate ourselves on earth but God doesn't need titles to convey love titles do not define who you are You may be a wife or a mother a father, a husband but that is not WHO you are It is the relationship that matters not the title It is the essence of YOU who is YOU it is what YOU bring into the relationship that makes it significant it is all the specific qualities that make you unique it is God's perfect design his perfect blueprint of who he intended you to be that is YOU if you are tied to all of your titles then when you lose them who are you? Like untying a balloon it floats away into the clouds and leaves you wondering where your self worth just flew off to or like a boy scout with all those badges all that work to earn each one and then what if we take that away? so much invested in outside merit and God pleads for you to invest in your heart and in others to...

We bind ourselves we tie the knots that keep us bound and then forget we ever tied them or wonder at them but never try at loosening them we adapt to being tethered and we learn not to struggle struggling hurts or makes us feel uncomfortable or reminds us of the fact that we are bound and that just makes us feel sad so we move less become complacent and we adapt to our inner imaginary jail that we slowly bought into and invested in but that began as a simple little lie ~C

God is all about Quality and so am I my sister jokes that I am a food snob because I like those really baby carrots the ones that cost more but I swear they are sweeter and that I digest them better can't I just like them? But seriously no one likes stale crackers my Dad will eat them because he doesn't want to waste them but I bet you he is not loving them either my point is would you rather eat 2 fresh crackers or get a whole pack of stale ones? If you have a whole pantry teeming with food but most of it is out of date, or stale...you may have quantity but you don't have quality I want quality any day it is why I can barely eat at McDonalds anymore but my point is that God wants to give us a life chock full of QUALITY experiences but we usually go for the quantity so we feel like we are not missing out on anything so we fool ourselves into thinking we are really "living" life we see his quality not for what it is but as a lack of quantity and that is all we can...

I want to add (+) not take away (-) God is a lover of addition and satan loves subtraction if you are still and you listen you will be able to know who is in your head at any given time because their language is the same as their mission to build you up or tear you down who is speaking to you now?? a voice that adds and focuses on what you DO HAVE very grateful and thankful, focused on your blessings your strengths, your awesome fulfillment and trust in someone greater than you yeah, that's God a voice that tears you down and distracts says you are not measuring up that you don't have what it takes that maybe TOMORROW you might have something to offer but definitely not today that's the robbers voice the one who wants to steal from you take from you destroy you so tune in know who is speaking and if it isn't adding to your life then refuse to let it take away from it change the station even listen to static for a moment if you have to to clear your mind but then find G...